I have been sick for over a month now. In the past week, I have finally begun to feel better.
I think the fact that we had 3 days of sun and hints of spring attribute to my feeling better.
I still have this occasional sneezing and coughing I do though. I was in the middle of a department store the other day when I had a sneezing attack. Minutes later, I wasn't sneezing, but I could feel my nose running. I pulled a kleenex out of my purse. As I started to wipe my nose, I caught a glimpse of myself in a mirror. There was a bubble of water there on my left nostril. No... it was not snot... and it was not a bugger. It was just water - sinus drainage maybe. But it brought back memories. Memories of Mam-ma with her nose "dripping" she called it, and pulling a kleenex from her bosom to wipe her nose. I always thought that kind of odd, and something that must happen to women when they got "old". THAT would never happen to me. But... here I am. I haven't gotten to the keeping kleenex down my blouse part yet though. Sorry, Mam-ma.
Sunday, February 25, 2007
Miss Me, But Let Me Go
I seem to write on the saddest of occasions and the happiest of things...
Two weeks ago, Bob and I had 3 people in our lives who died in 3 days' time. The first was a friend's dad who tried to outrun a train - he didn't make it. The third one was Bob's aunt who lived in NC and was 2 years younger than Bob! She was Bob's dad's youngest sister. The following was read at both of their funerals. I had never heard it before, but when you hear of something like this on 2 occasions in 3 days' time, you tend to pay attention.
"When I come to the end of the road, and the sun has set for me,
I want no rites in a gloom-filled room. Why cry for a soul set free?
Miss me a little - but not too long, and not with your head bowed low.
Remember the love that we shared. Miss me, but let me go.
For this is a journey we all must take and each must go alone.
It is all a part of the Master's plan, a step on the road to home.
When you are lonely and sick of heart, go to the friends you know.
Bear your sorrow in good deeds. Miss me, but let me go."
I would give the credits due, but none were given on either occasion.
I liked this poetry. For those of you who should, take note.
Two weeks ago, Bob and I had 3 people in our lives who died in 3 days' time. The first was a friend's dad who tried to outrun a train - he didn't make it. The third one was Bob's aunt who lived in NC and was 2 years younger than Bob! She was Bob's dad's youngest sister. The following was read at both of their funerals. I had never heard it before, but when you hear of something like this on 2 occasions in 3 days' time, you tend to pay attention.
"When I come to the end of the road, and the sun has set for me,
I want no rites in a gloom-filled room. Why cry for a soul set free?
Miss me a little - but not too long, and not with your head bowed low.
Remember the love that we shared. Miss me, but let me go.
For this is a journey we all must take and each must go alone.
It is all a part of the Master's plan, a step on the road to home.
When you are lonely and sick of heart, go to the friends you know.
Bear your sorrow in good deeds. Miss me, but let me go."
I would give the credits due, but none were given on either occasion.
I liked this poetry. For those of you who should, take note.
Friday, February 16, 2007
Saturday, February 10, 2007
Word of the Week
Tolerance -
a fair, objective, and permissive attitude toward opinions and practices that differ from one's own.
a fair, objective, and permissive attitude toward opinions and practices that differ from one's own.
Anna Nicole Smith
I am wondering...why? am I wasting time and energy on here writing about Anna Nicole Smith? I guess because her sudden death and seeing the hours of media coverage of her life are so sad. What a waste.
In one clip she talks about how as a girl she passed a bar that had a neon sign blinking in front of it. It was the figure of a woman, topless, alternating sensual poses. ANS told herself at that time that that was what she wanted to be when she grew up!*! WHY would anyone want to be that when they grew up? Where were her goals? REAL goals? Worthy goals? Where was her sense of right and wrong? I don't think you can excuse this on low self-esteem or no respect for herself. This will come across judgmental I am sure. I think it's just really what she wanted. While they say that she was smarter than she appeared to be, I am saying that that is not saying much. I don't think she was bright at all. And I think she made her choices solely on wanting attention for herself. She married an old man. She became rich. She had a baby and had no idea who the father was. And the men keep popping up even after her death volleying for the role.
I guess I think that in the United States of America, we all have the privileges of getting some education - that would include from books, from church, from life experiences - and that we learn from it all. And at some point you learn to stand on your own 2 feet and take on responsibility for your life and your choices.
There is a precious baby girl somewhere out there - Bahamas last I heard - who would make some barren couple hysterically happy to have her in their lives. As it is, this poor child has little chance for growing up in an environment different than that of her mother's.
I am saddened when I realize what a sick world we live in. Sometimes these outside events burst in on my private little world, and I realize just how bad it is out there. My heart is heavy when I think about what God must think about His world and His creation. And when I think that all of us in America know about God and that the good old USA is not a mission field, I realize that I am so wrong. You don't have to go to Thailand or South Africa or Moldova... you have people who need the Lord right here.
In one clip she talks about how as a girl she passed a bar that had a neon sign blinking in front of it. It was the figure of a woman, topless, alternating sensual poses. ANS told herself at that time that that was what she wanted to be when she grew up!*! WHY would anyone want to be that when they grew up? Where were her goals? REAL goals? Worthy goals? Where was her sense of right and wrong? I don't think you can excuse this on low self-esteem or no respect for herself. This will come across judgmental I am sure. I think it's just really what she wanted. While they say that she was smarter than she appeared to be, I am saying that that is not saying much. I don't think she was bright at all. And I think she made her choices solely on wanting attention for herself. She married an old man. She became rich. She had a baby and had no idea who the father was. And the men keep popping up even after her death volleying for the role.
I guess I think that in the United States of America, we all have the privileges of getting some education - that would include from books, from church, from life experiences - and that we learn from it all. And at some point you learn to stand on your own 2 feet and take on responsibility for your life and your choices.
There is a precious baby girl somewhere out there - Bahamas last I heard - who would make some barren couple hysterically happy to have her in their lives. As it is, this poor child has little chance for growing up in an environment different than that of her mother's.
I am saddened when I realize what a sick world we live in. Sometimes these outside events burst in on my private little world, and I realize just how bad it is out there. My heart is heavy when I think about what God must think about His world and His creation. And when I think that all of us in America know about God and that the good old USA is not a mission field, I realize that I am so wrong. You don't have to go to Thailand or South Africa or Moldova... you have people who need the Lord right here.
A Keeper Quote
Artist: Friedrich, Caspar David
Wanderer Above the Sea of Fog
c. 1818
Oil on canvas Kunsthalle, Hamburg
This quote is from him:
"The painter should paint not only what he has in front of him, but also what he sees inside himself. If he sees nothing within, then he should stop painting what is in front of him."
Likewise,
"The pianist should play not only what she has in front of her, but also what she sees inside herself. If she sees nothing within, then she should stop playing what is in front of her."
Wanderer Above the Sea of Fog
c. 1818
Oil on canvas Kunsthalle, Hamburg
This quote is from him:
"The painter should paint not only what he has in front of him, but also what he sees inside himself. If he sees nothing within, then he should stop painting what is in front of him."
Likewise,
"The pianist should play not only what she has in front of her, but also what she sees inside herself. If she sees nothing within, then she should stop playing what is in front of her."
I'm Back...
I haven't written on here for a month. (Like duh... you couldn't figure that out for yourself!) I have been sick for 19 days. I am tired of not feeling good. Right now I feel good enough to go to work, etc, but NO energy left over for anything else. And, I am SO tired of this cold weather. I hate cold weather. The older I get, the worse it gets. I want at least 70 degree days and 50 at night for the coldest temps. I watched the Pro Bowl this evening. Nay... correction. I watched the scenery of Honolulu this evening... Seeing the bright sun, exotic surroundings, and big blue sky with puffy clouds... I felt better. Ah...to be there.
Monday, January 08, 2007
Loving
Bob and I acquired a cat about 3 1/2 months ago. Neither of us had ever had a cat. I grew up with having dogs around. Bob never had any pets. We still shake our heads and wonder how we got to this place.
I remember hearing my mom especially talk about "those d!*! cats" people around us might have. And I remember my parents and grandparents didn't like cats leaning in on their ankles and meowing when we were around them. Now I love that!
I can remember when Bob first brought this cat home, Springfield had tar matted on some of his fur and in his ears, and he had big ears compared to the rest of his body. I felt bad for this little ball of fur that appeared to be scared to death, but I had no sudden love for this cat.
We have had moments where we would have gotten rid of Springfield in a heartbeat. He has zoomed around knocking things over like a wild cat. He has crashed lamps to the floor. He has rearranged Bob's village pieces in the bookcase. That is a No-No! He has knocked the planter over scattering dirt all over the new carpet.
But somewhere along the line, we have grown to love this cat. He is funny and sweet and loving and smart and also mean as can be sometimes. He has scratched me repeatedly until I bleed, I suspect I am allergic to him as I sneeze like crazy in the mornings and at night, I have had to learn to clean his poop out of his litter box, and yet, I love this cat. Bob and I look forward to coming home and seeing Springfield. Bob is less patient than I am with him, but they also have great bonding sessions, where Springfield lies on Bob's chest and lets Bob rub him down until they both fall asleep. Springfield and I usually share the early morning shift. He cries like a baby about 6 every morning and scratches on the bathroom door until I go get him out. He then jumps up on my lap and eats from my hands. While he's never slept in my arms, he will sleep at my feet when I take a nap.
Springfield has added a new dimension to the relationship between Bob and me. He is something we share. In loving him, we love each other more. Springfield has only been to the vet once so far. Bob and I took him together. I don't know how I would have done it alone. It was nice having Bob there as our "child" was examined.
It's kinda like being a mother to a baby or young child again. We enjoy watching Springfield sleep, and eat, and play on his own and play "peep-pie" with us. He responds when I call him "my kitty" in my kitty voice (which Bob HATES).
Animals aren't so different from people after all. Creatures of all kinds flourish when they are loved.
I remember hearing my mom especially talk about "those d!*! cats" people around us might have. And I remember my parents and grandparents didn't like cats leaning in on their ankles and meowing when we were around them. Now I love that!
I can remember when Bob first brought this cat home, Springfield had tar matted on some of his fur and in his ears, and he had big ears compared to the rest of his body. I felt bad for this little ball of fur that appeared to be scared to death, but I had no sudden love for this cat.
We have had moments where we would have gotten rid of Springfield in a heartbeat. He has zoomed around knocking things over like a wild cat. He has crashed lamps to the floor. He has rearranged Bob's village pieces in the bookcase. That is a No-No! He has knocked the planter over scattering dirt all over the new carpet.
But somewhere along the line, we have grown to love this cat. He is funny and sweet and loving and smart and also mean as can be sometimes. He has scratched me repeatedly until I bleed, I suspect I am allergic to him as I sneeze like crazy in the mornings and at night, I have had to learn to clean his poop out of his litter box, and yet, I love this cat. Bob and I look forward to coming home and seeing Springfield. Bob is less patient than I am with him, but they also have great bonding sessions, where Springfield lies on Bob's chest and lets Bob rub him down until they both fall asleep. Springfield and I usually share the early morning shift. He cries like a baby about 6 every morning and scratches on the bathroom door until I go get him out. He then jumps up on my lap and eats from my hands. While he's never slept in my arms, he will sleep at my feet when I take a nap.
Springfield has added a new dimension to the relationship between Bob and me. He is something we share. In loving him, we love each other more. Springfield has only been to the vet once so far. Bob and I took him together. I don't know how I would have done it alone. It was nice having Bob there as our "child" was examined.
It's kinda like being a mother to a baby or young child again. We enjoy watching Springfield sleep, and eat, and play on his own and play "peep-pie" with us. He responds when I call him "my kitty" in my kitty voice (which Bob HATES).
Animals aren't so different from people after all. Creatures of all kinds flourish when they are loved.
Sharing
Weekend is over... the first full work week in awhile about to begin.
Luke came to spend the night this weekend. As I met his mom in the parking lot of a local market to pick Luke up, he tumbled out of the van talking excitedly all the way. I started loading his bags in the car, and he said, "Gran! Gran!" In the dim lights of the parking lot, I looked down at his 5-yr-old stance, to see him holding out a small teddy bear. He said, "It's for Carson!" "Carson?" I mumbled to myself and looked up at his mom for explanation. As she began, it hit me what Luke was trying to say. "Carter?" I asked, and Luke nodded. Carter is my 6 month old great-nephew on my husband's side of the family.
I don't know if Luke was remembering seeing the pictures of Carter at Christmas, or if his mom, Michelle, had done some talking with him about sharing toys or something. But it was a Kodak memory moment for me looking down into Luke's smiling, excited face.
P.S. Later that night at my house, when Luke "played" the teddy bear audio for me, the cat was intrigued with this ball of voice. Luke giggled, but reminded Springfield that the bear was for Carter.
Luke came to spend the night this weekend. As I met his mom in the parking lot of a local market to pick Luke up, he tumbled out of the van talking excitedly all the way. I started loading his bags in the car, and he said, "Gran! Gran!" In the dim lights of the parking lot, I looked down at his 5-yr-old stance, to see him holding out a small teddy bear. He said, "It's for Carson!" "Carson?" I mumbled to myself and looked up at his mom for explanation. As she began, it hit me what Luke was trying to say. "Carter?" I asked, and Luke nodded. Carter is my 6 month old great-nephew on my husband's side of the family.
I don't know if Luke was remembering seeing the pictures of Carter at Christmas, or if his mom, Michelle, had done some talking with him about sharing toys or something. But it was a Kodak memory moment for me looking down into Luke's smiling, excited face.
P.S. Later that night at my house, when Luke "played" the teddy bear audio for me, the cat was intrigued with this ball of voice. Luke giggled, but reminded Springfield that the bear was for Carter.
Monday, January 01, 2007
It's 2007
Time - the early hours of 2007. I decided to start the year blogging. Bob is asleep. The cat is asleep. It is still and quiet.
It's been a quiet evening at home. Bob and I went to Goodwill and Eckerds and then storage to put up Christmas items after watching the Titans lose their game. We ate dinner at Cracker Barrel, drove around the McKays Mills area awhile, and got home relatively early, even though the real time - 6 pm - felt like 8 pm.
I wonder if the way I spent the evening is indicative of the way 2007 will go. Hopefully I just closed out 2006. As Bob got out of the car at the house, he apparently stepped in dog poop. That fact was discovered after he walked into the bedroom, hall, living room, and finally kitchen, where I pointed out the "piles" he was leaving. (And need I say that I reminded him of how I always tell him to take his shoes off when he comes in from outside?!?!) I then spent the evening in my pajamas cleaning the carpet, moving the big fan around so the carpet would dry faster, and vacuuming. The cat did not know WHAT to do or where to go. And Bob being the helper he is at these times, was on the sofa in the sunroom, watching the football game! He fell asleep, waking in time to say "Happy New Year" and then going to bed in the bedroom. I celebrated by pouring me a glass of white zin, and ... here I am.
As the countdown of the last minute of 2006 began on Channel 4 (couldn't handle trying to watch Dick Clark this year), I found myself excited, and yet I wanted to cry all at the same time!?! I wasn't sorry to see 2006 go...but I am not sure I am glad to see 2007 come. I find the beginning of a brand new year kind of exciting, but it also makes me a little nervous worrying what bad things might happen. (I still think I would like to know these things ahead of time. I could prepare myself. Couldn't I? I'd like to at least know if it is going to be a good year or a bad year.) It will hold the closing of some familial chapters of life and open some new ones. Two nephews graduating from high school and starting college, and one nephew getting married.
I feel old tonight. But it is okay. I remember past New Year's Eves when we went out to celebrate. And even if we were home, we were more energetic. Every year now, it gets a little quieter, and less important to see the new year in.
A friend of mine emailed me the following from a devotional reading for the day. I liked it and will close with it:
Even to your old age, I am He, and even to gray hairs I will carry you! I have made and I will bear; even I will carry and will deliver you. (Psalm 46:4)
Thus far the LORD has helped us. (1 Samuel 7:12)
It's been a quiet evening at home. Bob and I went to Goodwill and Eckerds and then storage to put up Christmas items after watching the Titans lose their game. We ate dinner at Cracker Barrel, drove around the McKays Mills area awhile, and got home relatively early, even though the real time - 6 pm - felt like 8 pm.
I wonder if the way I spent the evening is indicative of the way 2007 will go. Hopefully I just closed out 2006. As Bob got out of the car at the house, he apparently stepped in dog poop. That fact was discovered after he walked into the bedroom, hall, living room, and finally kitchen, where I pointed out the "piles" he was leaving. (And need I say that I reminded him of how I always tell him to take his shoes off when he comes in from outside?!?!) I then spent the evening in my pajamas cleaning the carpet, moving the big fan around so the carpet would dry faster, and vacuuming. The cat did not know WHAT to do or where to go. And Bob being the helper he is at these times, was on the sofa in the sunroom, watching the football game! He fell asleep, waking in time to say "Happy New Year" and then going to bed in the bedroom. I celebrated by pouring me a glass of white zin, and ... here I am.
As the countdown of the last minute of 2006 began on Channel 4 (couldn't handle trying to watch Dick Clark this year), I found myself excited, and yet I wanted to cry all at the same time!?! I wasn't sorry to see 2006 go...but I am not sure I am glad to see 2007 come. I find the beginning of a brand new year kind of exciting, but it also makes me a little nervous worrying what bad things might happen. (I still think I would like to know these things ahead of time. I could prepare myself. Couldn't I? I'd like to at least know if it is going to be a good year or a bad year.) It will hold the closing of some familial chapters of life and open some new ones. Two nephews graduating from high school and starting college, and one nephew getting married.
I feel old tonight. But it is okay. I remember past New Year's Eves when we went out to celebrate. And even if we were home, we were more energetic. Every year now, it gets a little quieter, and less important to see the new year in.
A friend of mine emailed me the following from a devotional reading for the day. I liked it and will close with it:
Even to your old age, I am He, and even to gray hairs I will carry you! I have made and I will bear; even I will carry and will deliver you. (Psalm 46:4)
Thus far the LORD has helped us. (1 Samuel 7:12)
Monday, October 23, 2006
It's Fall and Catapulting Us Into Winter; It Was Michele, and now it is Olivia
It's early Monday morning... just after midnight. I fell asleep earlier this evening on the sofa watching "Brothers and Sisters" and now I am wide awake!
Today started out sunny and then started clouding up and got colder all day long. It's supposed to go down in the 30s tonight. I am not ready or happy about winter coming. The season can come ahead, but I am staying in the fall of my life, thank you.
The leaves are changing but still not to their peak here. I took my niece to see "Strawberry Shortcake" Sunday afternoon. She turned 5 this past week. I had taken her brothers out at earlier ages to celebrate their birthdays, but this was a FIRST for us. Olivia had a short time of separation anxiety from her mom, but recovered by the end of her driveway. We spent the time going to the movie theater playing "I see (red, yellow, green, brown) leaves." She is a smart little girl and took right to the game.
I played this same game with my daughter when she was 5. She just had her 30th birthday! I always loved this time of year for her birthday, with the leaves changing and falling. And so I remember playing the I SPY different colors of leaves with her 25 years ago, just as I played with Olivia today.
As I said earlier, O and I went to see the animated Kidstoon movie "Strawberry Shortcake". Michele (daughter) LOVED Strawberry Shortcake when she was little. There were no movies of her back then though. The movie today lasted an hour and a half, and the animation was well done. Olivia was the perfect little moviegoer, sitting quietly the whole time watching and stealing smiling glances at me occasionally.
My brother and his family live just a few miles from me. Because we were born "almost a score" apart, his children are quite a bit younger than mine. I kept thinking today what a shame that my niece and I are just now getting around to this, and how I only have vague ideas about what she and her brothers like. It's not that I don't care. It's just that time has thrown us into different life cycles and schedules.
Time goes by too fast. Today brought back many memories of spending time with my daughter 25 years ago. Yes I said it again. 25 YEARS ago. THAT is an eerie feeling when you remember things that long ago, and ironic that some things never change. Kids still play the same games, characters and styles go and come back... only the people participating in the memories change...
Don't forget, Olivia...you said I could go to Florida with you next time!
Today started out sunny and then started clouding up and got colder all day long. It's supposed to go down in the 30s tonight. I am not ready or happy about winter coming. The season can come ahead, but I am staying in the fall of my life, thank you.
The leaves are changing but still not to their peak here. I took my niece to see "Strawberry Shortcake" Sunday afternoon. She turned 5 this past week. I had taken her brothers out at earlier ages to celebrate their birthdays, but this was a FIRST for us. Olivia had a short time of separation anxiety from her mom, but recovered by the end of her driveway. We spent the time going to the movie theater playing "I see (red, yellow, green, brown) leaves." She is a smart little girl and took right to the game.
I played this same game with my daughter when she was 5. She just had her 30th birthday! I always loved this time of year for her birthday, with the leaves changing and falling. And so I remember playing the I SPY different colors of leaves with her 25 years ago, just as I played with Olivia today.
As I said earlier, O and I went to see the animated Kidstoon movie "Strawberry Shortcake". Michele (daughter) LOVED Strawberry Shortcake when she was little. There were no movies of her back then though. The movie today lasted an hour and a half, and the animation was well done. Olivia was the perfect little moviegoer, sitting quietly the whole time watching and stealing smiling glances at me occasionally.
My brother and his family live just a few miles from me. Because we were born "almost a score" apart, his children are quite a bit younger than mine. I kept thinking today what a shame that my niece and I are just now getting around to this, and how I only have vague ideas about what she and her brothers like. It's not that I don't care. It's just that time has thrown us into different life cycles and schedules.
Time goes by too fast. Today brought back many memories of spending time with my daughter 25 years ago. Yes I said it again. 25 YEARS ago. THAT is an eerie feeling when you remember things that long ago, and ironic that some things never change. Kids still play the same games, characters and styles go and come back... only the people participating in the memories change...
Don't forget, Olivia...you said I could go to Florida with you next time!
Friday, October 06, 2006
It's Almost Been a Month?!*!
Yep... almost been a month since I blogged... That's part of my problem. Time... Not enough of it, and what there is just races by... I have time, I have no money. Have no time, have money. Well, make that, SOME money.
I haven't been feeling well, that's physically, and then I have been mentally bogged down because life is passing me by. Just speeding right along. I go to work, I come home, eat dinner and crash, and then start all over again. Day after day after day. Is that all there is?
It's my 2nd favorite time of year, and I am missing it. I LOVE the end of August and going into September and then October. But I'm missing the feel and the sight of these fall harvest type days. I go into the building to work, my office has no windows, and POOF! I don't find out until 8 hours later what the weather is doing outside. Good or bad... I've missed it. I haven't seen the grandchildren in 3 weeks... I haven't seen my brother and his family in 6 weeks. My great-niece turned a year old today, somewhere along the line changed from baby to little girl, and I missed it.
It is Friday night, and even though I worked 11 hours today, and have to work 7+ tomorrow, I have energy tonight. Bob and the cat are asleep. Now it's the computer and me.
I did have a revelation today. It has caused me to feel more at peace again.
I must confess. The job I have loved for a year and a half, has been getting on my nerves. Not the job per se, but working in general, and the job not making me feel any better about it. I mean... give me the choice... I would be sitting on the deck of a chalet in the Smoky Mountains, reading, writing, sleeping...OR... I would be sitting on the balcony of an oceanfront condo, or in a chaise lounge on the beach with a book in one hand and one of those cute little drinks in the other if I had the choice. Then there's always Hawaii. I may never get back there, but how many other people can say that they have been to Hawaii 5 times? So, if I had the choice, I would travel, or sit and read, or spend my time in a coffeehouse. But I don't have that option.
And so I work, and sometimes that means getting up in the morning, getting there, working for long hours, and coming home at night, falling asleep on the sofa, getting up the next morning, and starting the cycle all over again, while I miss beautiful days, and fun times, and moments of leisure and people I love. And then, there are days like today.
I work at a job that has "heart". I work with men and women who have a heart for people. I work with people who have to be flexible, because life happens. I work with people who work to make the good times better, and the hard times easier. And I work with people in the same building who work with the business aspects, the accounting side, and they don't have heart. They have totally missed what it is all about. Even as the rest of us do what we have to do this moment, this day, this week that we did not plan on doing 3 days ago, we do what has to be done. These other people don't budge. They are so routinized that they can't or won't change. My boss today reminded one of that fact. A very special man died. While several of us did not really know the man, we know what the man stood for, and where we are today is the result of his efforts. History has been made in the life of our institution. The atmosphere at work has been different for 3 days. You can feel it. There is a sadness, a heaviness in the air. While the man has died to this life, he has gained the promised ever GREATER ONE. But those left behind will miss him. Yet the accounting processes go on...nonreflective of what has happened. I have worked in accounting positions over the past 25 years. I got in trouble a couple of times... once for not working harder to produce "better" numbers, and once for crying out when houseparents didn't get their pay, but the VP did to have his car washed 2-3 times a week. Accounting has no heart. As much as I love math, stats have no heart. What is, is.
I work at a job where having heart is okay. Again I find myself, "content in the state I am".
I haven't been feeling well, that's physically, and then I have been mentally bogged down because life is passing me by. Just speeding right along. I go to work, I come home, eat dinner and crash, and then start all over again. Day after day after day. Is that all there is?
It's my 2nd favorite time of year, and I am missing it. I LOVE the end of August and going into September and then October. But I'm missing the feel and the sight of these fall harvest type days. I go into the building to work, my office has no windows, and POOF! I don't find out until 8 hours later what the weather is doing outside. Good or bad... I've missed it. I haven't seen the grandchildren in 3 weeks... I haven't seen my brother and his family in 6 weeks. My great-niece turned a year old today, somewhere along the line changed from baby to little girl, and I missed it.
It is Friday night, and even though I worked 11 hours today, and have to work 7+ tomorrow, I have energy tonight. Bob and the cat are asleep. Now it's the computer and me.
I did have a revelation today. It has caused me to feel more at peace again.
I must confess. The job I have loved for a year and a half, has been getting on my nerves. Not the job per se, but working in general, and the job not making me feel any better about it. I mean... give me the choice... I would be sitting on the deck of a chalet in the Smoky Mountains, reading, writing, sleeping...OR... I would be sitting on the balcony of an oceanfront condo, or in a chaise lounge on the beach with a book in one hand and one of those cute little drinks in the other if I had the choice. Then there's always Hawaii. I may never get back there, but how many other people can say that they have been to Hawaii 5 times? So, if I had the choice, I would travel, or sit and read, or spend my time in a coffeehouse. But I don't have that option.
And so I work, and sometimes that means getting up in the morning, getting there, working for long hours, and coming home at night, falling asleep on the sofa, getting up the next morning, and starting the cycle all over again, while I miss beautiful days, and fun times, and moments of leisure and people I love. And then, there are days like today.
I work at a job that has "heart". I work with men and women who have a heart for people. I work with people who have to be flexible, because life happens. I work with people who work to make the good times better, and the hard times easier. And I work with people in the same building who work with the business aspects, the accounting side, and they don't have heart. They have totally missed what it is all about. Even as the rest of us do what we have to do this moment, this day, this week that we did not plan on doing 3 days ago, we do what has to be done. These other people don't budge. They are so routinized that they can't or won't change. My boss today reminded one of that fact. A very special man died. While several of us did not really know the man, we know what the man stood for, and where we are today is the result of his efforts. History has been made in the life of our institution. The atmosphere at work has been different for 3 days. You can feel it. There is a sadness, a heaviness in the air. While the man has died to this life, he has gained the promised ever GREATER ONE. But those left behind will miss him. Yet the accounting processes go on...nonreflective of what has happened. I have worked in accounting positions over the past 25 years. I got in trouble a couple of times... once for not working harder to produce "better" numbers, and once for crying out when houseparents didn't get their pay, but the VP did to have his car washed 2-3 times a week. Accounting has no heart. As much as I love math, stats have no heart. What is, is.
I work at a job where having heart is okay. Again I find myself, "content in the state I am".
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
People Watching
Okay...I have heard that one way to find things to blog about is to watch people.
I don't have time to watch people. Then again, maybe I do...Make the most of waiting. So I tried it the other day at the library while I was lined up behind 6 other people at the Franklin/Williamson County Public Library. (They have not figured out the value of having more than one clerk available.)
Here goes...Man comes in accompanied by a woman. Man is dressed casually. Is
probably in his late 40s...Medium height, medium build. Salt and pepper curly hair. Glasses. Khaki slacks, navy short-sleeved pullover shirt, no socks, loafers. The woman with him is his mother, I decide. She toddles by his side, scooting her white nurse-looking-rubber-soled-shoes across the floor. He takes her to the front section of fiction. I know that section. It is LARGE PRINT! The man stands back, leaning on the corner of a counter. He stands quietly and looks about as his mother starts at the A's and goes shelf by shelf looking for books of her choice. She is short and has to stand on tip-toe to reach the 2nd from the top shelf. Forget the top one. And she stands close. I realize that she can't see well. She can't see well, but she can't give up reading. And I can surmise that reading means too much to her to give it up. She goes to LARGE PRINT, but she doesn't give reading up
totally. Man stands back, and isn't offering any help. I get frustrated with him until I realize...he is not oblivious of his mother. He is giving her independence as much as he can at this stage. He crosses one leg over the other as he shifts feet while waiting, but he does not do so impatiently. He has given up time on a Sunday afternoon, to take his mother somewhere she will enjoy. He doesn't run the errand by himself for her. He takes her with him. He gives her freedom, he gives her joy, he gives her his time and his love.
I don't have time to watch people. Then again, maybe I do...Make the most of waiting. So I tried it the other day at the library while I was lined up behind 6 other people at the Franklin/Williamson County Public Library. (They have not figured out the value of having more than one clerk available.)
Here goes...Man comes in accompanied by a woman. Man is dressed casually. Is
probably in his late 40s...Medium height, medium build. Salt and pepper curly hair. Glasses. Khaki slacks, navy short-sleeved pullover shirt, no socks, loafers. The woman with him is his mother, I decide. She toddles by his side, scooting her white nurse-looking-rubber-soled-shoes across the floor. He takes her to the front section of fiction. I know that section. It is LARGE PRINT! The man stands back, leaning on the corner of a counter. He stands quietly and looks about as his mother starts at the A's and goes shelf by shelf looking for books of her choice. She is short and has to stand on tip-toe to reach the 2nd from the top shelf. Forget the top one. And she stands close. I realize that she can't see well. She can't see well, but she can't give up reading. And I can surmise that reading means too much to her to give it up. She goes to LARGE PRINT, but she doesn't give reading up
totally. Man stands back, and isn't offering any help. I get frustrated with him until I realize...he is not oblivious of his mother. He is giving her independence as much as he can at this stage. He crosses one leg over the other as he shifts feet while waiting, but he does not do so impatiently. He has given up time on a Sunday afternoon, to take his mother somewhere she will enjoy. He doesn't run the errand by himself for her. He takes her with him. He gives her freedom, he gives her joy, he gives her his time and his love.
Birthdays
It has been a LONG time since I have blogged. I have needed to...would have helped me out, but my schedule and subsequently, my energy levels, just haven't allowed it.
Had my birthday. Only time my age will match the year I was born in this century. I came to a conclusion. Only parents can make your birthday a major event in history. Or grandparents. And oh, maybe siblings old enough to remember the day. I miss those stories my grandmother and mother told about the day I was born. You know... how Mom was in labor for 3 days because of me. And how my dad was sent out to prepare my grandmother for the first sight of me - "she has a warped head". I never really appreciated those stories when those ladies were around. But now that they aren't, and the old stories have become just that, ... it's rather quiet and sad. No one left in my life to commemorate what it was like the day I was born. No parents, no grandparents, no great aunts... Well, there is one aunt left, but her aging has left her silent. It makes me feel very old...
Had my birthday. Only time my age will match the year I was born in this century. I came to a conclusion. Only parents can make your birthday a major event in history. Or grandparents. And oh, maybe siblings old enough to remember the day. I miss those stories my grandmother and mother told about the day I was born. You know... how Mom was in labor for 3 days because of me. And how my dad was sent out to prepare my grandmother for the first sight of me - "she has a warped head". I never really appreciated those stories when those ladies were around. But now that they aren't, and the old stories have become just that, ... it's rather quiet and sad. No one left in my life to commemorate what it was like the day I was born. No parents, no grandparents, no great aunts... Well, there is one aunt left, but her aging has left her silent. It makes me feel very old...
Oh, add one more to the list!
I need to add one more car to my wishlist... It would be #4, so it ain't happenin' anytime soon.
Passed the Volkswagen place on Baker's Bridge. They have this cool looking pale blue SUV sitting out on the curb... It's called a Tunga or something like that. I hear they are pricy, but so, what's new... Add it to the list anyway...
Passed the Volkswagen place on Baker's Bridge. They have this cool looking pale blue SUV sitting out on the curb... It's called a Tunga or something like that. I hear they are pricy, but so, what's new... Add it to the list anyway...
Thursday, August 24, 2006
Cars
I have never been a car person. I like a nice dependable car to get around in. I like to like my car. But that's it. However, all of a sudden, I find myself wishing I had $60K or so, and I would trade in the 2 cars we have, and buy the following 3 cars.
1. Chrysler 300 - Oyster White
2. Chrysler Pacifica - Gold - 6seater as we took to Marco Island
and last but not least
3. Lime green Volkswagen convertible "bug"... black top...
I do LOVE having my convertible. It doesn't drive as smoothly as the Caddy did. But there is nothing like it on these summer evenings. Leave work, put the top down, and drive away home under the starry sky. Forget your troubles quickly... Destress mile by mile...
1. Chrysler 300 - Oyster White
2. Chrysler Pacifica - Gold - 6seater as we took to Marco Island
and last but not least
3. Lime green Volkswagen convertible "bug"... black top...
I do LOVE having my convertible. It doesn't drive as smoothly as the Caddy did. But there is nothing like it on these summer evenings. Leave work, put the top down, and drive away home under the starry sky. Forget your troubles quickly... Destress mile by mile...
Friday, August 11, 2006
Bob doesn't want to read my blog...
He doesn't even want to look at it!*! And it even has Carter's picture on it! He says it's "of the devil". (Why does THAT sound familiar?) Why is it that what we don't know about, what we fear, what we don't like, we don't want to face? I LOVE to write... I used to only like writing by hand, but now it's like I can't even think to write that way. I compose on computer. Writing is like breathing for me. A great stress-reliever too. Is Bob jealous of the time I spend away from him and spend in writing? You can't take it away from me. It is part of me.
Ta-Dah! The 2006 Williamson County Fair
Bob and I went to the fair last night. The sky was overcast, threatening rain, but that made it cooler, so we decided to go. (And we did NOT want to go Friday night or Saturday.)
Bob managed to get an ear of roasted corn and I got a funnel cake in time to go flying into the amphitheater to escape the falling rain. It was Grand Ol' Opry night. LOUD is the best thing I could say about that. Plus it was SO hot in there.
Rain lets up... We walk out and about... Bob wants to see the animals. I hate the animals. Okay, sorry, God... I don't hate the animals, but they stink. There is nothing more disgusting to me than to see the animals with all their body parts hanging out for all to see, and smelling them in such a hot, closed-in place, where you are walking shoulder to shoulder with people, and moms are running strollers of screaming kids into all kinds of things, including my heels! My Granddaddy would be disappointed in me. He loved his land, and his cows. But he was raised in the country, and I am a city girl. I will have to say that the baby goats were real cute. And we saw some man shear a sheep. A young teenaged girl narrated the process. They say that shearing a sheep doesn't hurt (how would they know?!). Did you know though that you have to keep the sheep on his back while shearing, because if it gets even 1 paw down on the ground, he can stand up (and run off)? I will have to say, that I did admire God's creation when I got to the roosters. You know what a rooster looks like. Well maybe you do, and maybe you don't, because there were all colors-red, white, brown, black-even leopard-skin-like, and sizes-big and small, and some that had puffy feet, and some with plumes on their head, and on and on... Only our God could create them so different and so unique.
You know on GREEN ACRES they say "Keep Manhattan and give me that countryside"? Well Lynda says, "Keep the country and take me ocean-side!"
Bob managed to get an ear of roasted corn and I got a funnel cake in time to go flying into the amphitheater to escape the falling rain. It was Grand Ol' Opry night. LOUD is the best thing I could say about that. Plus it was SO hot in there.
Rain lets up... We walk out and about... Bob wants to see the animals. I hate the animals. Okay, sorry, God... I don't hate the animals, but they stink. There is nothing more disgusting to me than to see the animals with all their body parts hanging out for all to see, and smelling them in such a hot, closed-in place, where you are walking shoulder to shoulder with people, and moms are running strollers of screaming kids into all kinds of things, including my heels! My Granddaddy would be disappointed in me. He loved his land, and his cows. But he was raised in the country, and I am a city girl. I will have to say that the baby goats were real cute. And we saw some man shear a sheep. A young teenaged girl narrated the process. They say that shearing a sheep doesn't hurt (how would they know?!). Did you know though that you have to keep the sheep on his back while shearing, because if it gets even 1 paw down on the ground, he can stand up (and run off)? I will have to say, that I did admire God's creation when I got to the roosters. You know what a rooster looks like. Well maybe you do, and maybe you don't, because there were all colors-red, white, brown, black-even leopard-skin-like, and sizes-big and small, and some that had puffy feet, and some with plumes on their head, and on and on... Only our God could create them so different and so unique.
You know on GREEN ACRES they say "Keep Manhattan and give me that countryside"? Well Lynda says, "Keep the country and take me ocean-side!"
The Newest Terrorist Plot
There have been 23 people at this time arrested in the latest Al Queda terrorist plot... Involves Muslims and British Muslims, and Pakistanis. (Pakistan used to be a British colony!) British police doing their jobs discovered plan to take down 9 planes from London to US (New York) - United, American and Continental - men were to take liquid combustibles on the plane disguised in water, coffee, baby formula, even gels such as toothpaste, hair gel...and blow the planes up by mixing with ??? while in flight. Planes are good environments to blow things up the experts say!! "They say" they were planning for this to happen before the anniversary date of 9/11/2001.
Life changed on that eventful day, and I now believe that life will never be the same...
Life changed on that eventful day, and I now believe that life will never be the same...
Thursday, August 10, 2006
Luke is 4 1/2
Went with Gran to see BARNYARD last Saturday.
He was spellbound...
Important tidbit to remember for this age and stage:
Luke has learned how to pinky-swear.
Big sister Landry taught him how.
He was spellbound...
Important tidbit to remember for this age and stage:
Luke has learned how to pinky-swear.
Big sister Landry taught him how.
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