It's Almost Been a Month?!*!

Yep... almost been a month since I blogged... That's part of my problem. Time... Not enough of it, and what there is just races by... I have time, I have no money. Have no time, have money. Well, make that, SOME money.

I haven't been feeling well, that's physically, and then I have been mentally bogged down because life is passing me by. Just speeding right along. I go to work, I come home, eat dinner and crash, and then start all over again. Day after day after day. Is that all there is?

It's my 2nd favorite time of year, and I am missing it. I LOVE the end of August and going into September and then October. But I'm missing the feel and the sight of these fall harvest type days. I go into the building to work, my office has no windows, and POOF! I don't find out until 8 hours later what the weather is doing outside. Good or bad... I've missed it. I haven't seen the grandchildren in 3 weeks... I haven't seen my brother and his family in 6 weeks. My great-niece turned a year old today, somewhere along the line changed from baby to little girl, and I missed it.

It is Friday night, and even though I worked 11 hours today, and have to work 7+ tomorrow, I have energy tonight. Bob and the cat are asleep. Now it's the computer and me.

I did have a revelation today. It has caused me to feel more at peace again.
I must confess. The job I have loved for a year and a half, has been getting on my nerves. Not the job per se, but working in general, and the job not making me feel any better about it. I mean... give me the choice... I would be sitting on the deck of a chalet in the Smoky Mountains, reading, writing, sleeping...OR... I would be sitting on the balcony of an oceanfront condo, or in a chaise lounge on the beach with a book in one hand and one of those cute little drinks in the other if I had the choice. Then there's always Hawaii. I may never get back there, but how many other people can say that they have been to Hawaii 5 times? So, if I had the choice, I would travel, or sit and read, or spend my time in a coffeehouse. But I don't have that option.

And so I work, and sometimes that means getting up in the morning, getting there, working for long hours, and coming home at night, falling asleep on the sofa, getting up the next morning, and starting the cycle all over again, while I miss beautiful days, and fun times, and moments of leisure and people I love. And then, there are days like today.

I work at a job that has "heart". I work with men and women who have a heart for people. I work with people who have to be flexible, because life happens. I work with people who work to make the good times better, and the hard times easier. And I work with people in the same building who work with the business aspects, the accounting side, and they don't have heart. They have totally missed what it is all about. Even as the rest of us do what we have to do this moment, this day, this week that we did not plan on doing 3 days ago, we do what has to be done. These other people don't budge. They are so routinized that they can't or won't change. My boss today reminded one of that fact. A very special man died. While several of us did not really know the man, we know what the man stood for, and where we are today is the result of his efforts. History has been made in the life of our institution. The atmosphere at work has been different for 3 days. You can feel it. There is a sadness, a heaviness in the air. While the man has died to this life, he has gained the promised ever GREATER ONE. But those left behind will miss him. Yet the accounting processes go on...nonreflective of what has happened. I have worked in accounting positions over the past 25 years. I got in trouble a couple of times... once for not working harder to produce "better" numbers, and once for crying out when houseparents didn't get their pay, but the VP did to have his car washed 2-3 times a week. Accounting has no heart. As much as I love math, stats have no heart. What is, is.

I work at a job where having heart is okay. Again I find myself, "content in the state I am".