It's early Monday morning... just after midnight. I fell asleep earlier this evening on the sofa watching "Brothers and Sisters" and now I am wide awake!
Today started out sunny and then started clouding up and got colder all day long. It's supposed to go down in the 30s tonight. I am not ready or happy about winter coming. The season can come ahead, but I am staying in the fall of my life, thank you.
The leaves are changing but still not to their peak here. I took my niece to see "Strawberry Shortcake" Sunday afternoon. She turned 5 this past week. I had taken her brothers out at earlier ages to celebrate their birthdays, but this was a FIRST for us. Olivia had a short time of separation anxiety from her mom, but recovered by the end of her driveway. We spent the time going to the movie theater playing "I see (red, yellow, green, brown) leaves." She is a smart little girl and took right to the game.
I played this same game with my daughter when she was 5. She just had her 30th birthday! I always loved this time of year for her birthday, with the leaves changing and falling. And so I remember playing the I SPY different colors of leaves with her 25 years ago, just as I played with Olivia today.
As I said earlier, O and I went to see the animated Kidstoon movie "Strawberry Shortcake". Michele (daughter) LOVED Strawberry Shortcake when she was little. There were no movies of her back then though. The movie today lasted an hour and a half, and the animation was well done. Olivia was the perfect little moviegoer, sitting quietly the whole time watching and stealing smiling glances at me occasionally.
My brother and his family live just a few miles from me. Because we were born "almost a score" apart, his children are quite a bit younger than mine. I kept thinking today what a shame that my niece and I are just now getting around to this, and how I only have vague ideas about what she and her brothers like. It's not that I don't care. It's just that time has thrown us into different life cycles and schedules.
Time goes by too fast. Today brought back many memories of spending time with my daughter 25 years ago. Yes I said it again. 25 YEARS ago. THAT is an eerie feeling when you remember things that long ago, and ironic that some things never change. Kids still play the same games, characters and styles go and come back... only the people participating in the memories change...
Don't forget, Olivia...you said I could go to Florida with you next time!
Monday, October 23, 2006
Friday, October 06, 2006
It's Almost Been a Month?!*!
Yep... almost been a month since I blogged... That's part of my problem. Time... Not enough of it, and what there is just races by... I have time, I have no money. Have no time, have money. Well, make that, SOME money.
I haven't been feeling well, that's physically, and then I have been mentally bogged down because life is passing me by. Just speeding right along. I go to work, I come home, eat dinner and crash, and then start all over again. Day after day after day. Is that all there is?
It's my 2nd favorite time of year, and I am missing it. I LOVE the end of August and going into September and then October. But I'm missing the feel and the sight of these fall harvest type days. I go into the building to work, my office has no windows, and POOF! I don't find out until 8 hours later what the weather is doing outside. Good or bad... I've missed it. I haven't seen the grandchildren in 3 weeks... I haven't seen my brother and his family in 6 weeks. My great-niece turned a year old today, somewhere along the line changed from baby to little girl, and I missed it.
It is Friday night, and even though I worked 11 hours today, and have to work 7+ tomorrow, I have energy tonight. Bob and the cat are asleep. Now it's the computer and me.
I did have a revelation today. It has caused me to feel more at peace again.
I must confess. The job I have loved for a year and a half, has been getting on my nerves. Not the job per se, but working in general, and the job not making me feel any better about it. I mean... give me the choice... I would be sitting on the deck of a chalet in the Smoky Mountains, reading, writing, sleeping...OR... I would be sitting on the balcony of an oceanfront condo, or in a chaise lounge on the beach with a book in one hand and one of those cute little drinks in the other if I had the choice. Then there's always Hawaii. I may never get back there, but how many other people can say that they have been to Hawaii 5 times? So, if I had the choice, I would travel, or sit and read, or spend my time in a coffeehouse. But I don't have that option.
And so I work, and sometimes that means getting up in the morning, getting there, working for long hours, and coming home at night, falling asleep on the sofa, getting up the next morning, and starting the cycle all over again, while I miss beautiful days, and fun times, and moments of leisure and people I love. And then, there are days like today.
I work at a job that has "heart". I work with men and women who have a heart for people. I work with people who have to be flexible, because life happens. I work with people who work to make the good times better, and the hard times easier. And I work with people in the same building who work with the business aspects, the accounting side, and they don't have heart. They have totally missed what it is all about. Even as the rest of us do what we have to do this moment, this day, this week that we did not plan on doing 3 days ago, we do what has to be done. These other people don't budge. They are so routinized that they can't or won't change. My boss today reminded one of that fact. A very special man died. While several of us did not really know the man, we know what the man stood for, and where we are today is the result of his efforts. History has been made in the life of our institution. The atmosphere at work has been different for 3 days. You can feel it. There is a sadness, a heaviness in the air. While the man has died to this life, he has gained the promised ever GREATER ONE. But those left behind will miss him. Yet the accounting processes go on...nonreflective of what has happened. I have worked in accounting positions over the past 25 years. I got in trouble a couple of times... once for not working harder to produce "better" numbers, and once for crying out when houseparents didn't get their pay, but the VP did to have his car washed 2-3 times a week. Accounting has no heart. As much as I love math, stats have no heart. What is, is.
I work at a job where having heart is okay. Again I find myself, "content in the state I am".
I haven't been feeling well, that's physically, and then I have been mentally bogged down because life is passing me by. Just speeding right along. I go to work, I come home, eat dinner and crash, and then start all over again. Day after day after day. Is that all there is?
It's my 2nd favorite time of year, and I am missing it. I LOVE the end of August and going into September and then October. But I'm missing the feel and the sight of these fall harvest type days. I go into the building to work, my office has no windows, and POOF! I don't find out until 8 hours later what the weather is doing outside. Good or bad... I've missed it. I haven't seen the grandchildren in 3 weeks... I haven't seen my brother and his family in 6 weeks. My great-niece turned a year old today, somewhere along the line changed from baby to little girl, and I missed it.
It is Friday night, and even though I worked 11 hours today, and have to work 7+ tomorrow, I have energy tonight. Bob and the cat are asleep. Now it's the computer and me.
I did have a revelation today. It has caused me to feel more at peace again.
I must confess. The job I have loved for a year and a half, has been getting on my nerves. Not the job per se, but working in general, and the job not making me feel any better about it. I mean... give me the choice... I would be sitting on the deck of a chalet in the Smoky Mountains, reading, writing, sleeping...OR... I would be sitting on the balcony of an oceanfront condo, or in a chaise lounge on the beach with a book in one hand and one of those cute little drinks in the other if I had the choice. Then there's always Hawaii. I may never get back there, but how many other people can say that they have been to Hawaii 5 times? So, if I had the choice, I would travel, or sit and read, or spend my time in a coffeehouse. But I don't have that option.
And so I work, and sometimes that means getting up in the morning, getting there, working for long hours, and coming home at night, falling asleep on the sofa, getting up the next morning, and starting the cycle all over again, while I miss beautiful days, and fun times, and moments of leisure and people I love. And then, there are days like today.
I work at a job that has "heart". I work with men and women who have a heart for people. I work with people who have to be flexible, because life happens. I work with people who work to make the good times better, and the hard times easier. And I work with people in the same building who work with the business aspects, the accounting side, and they don't have heart. They have totally missed what it is all about. Even as the rest of us do what we have to do this moment, this day, this week that we did not plan on doing 3 days ago, we do what has to be done. These other people don't budge. They are so routinized that they can't or won't change. My boss today reminded one of that fact. A very special man died. While several of us did not really know the man, we know what the man stood for, and where we are today is the result of his efforts. History has been made in the life of our institution. The atmosphere at work has been different for 3 days. You can feel it. There is a sadness, a heaviness in the air. While the man has died to this life, he has gained the promised ever GREATER ONE. But those left behind will miss him. Yet the accounting processes go on...nonreflective of what has happened. I have worked in accounting positions over the past 25 years. I got in trouble a couple of times... once for not working harder to produce "better" numbers, and once for crying out when houseparents didn't get their pay, but the VP did to have his car washed 2-3 times a week. Accounting has no heart. As much as I love math, stats have no heart. What is, is.
I work at a job where having heart is okay. Again I find myself, "content in the state I am".
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
People Watching
Okay...I have heard that one way to find things to blog about is to watch people.
I don't have time to watch people. Then again, maybe I do...Make the most of waiting. So I tried it the other day at the library while I was lined up behind 6 other people at the Franklin/Williamson County Public Library. (They have not figured out the value of having more than one clerk available.)
Here goes...Man comes in accompanied by a woman. Man is dressed casually. Is
probably in his late 40s...Medium height, medium build. Salt and pepper curly hair. Glasses. Khaki slacks, navy short-sleeved pullover shirt, no socks, loafers. The woman with him is his mother, I decide. She toddles by his side, scooting her white nurse-looking-rubber-soled-shoes across the floor. He takes her to the front section of fiction. I know that section. It is LARGE PRINT! The man stands back, leaning on the corner of a counter. He stands quietly and looks about as his mother starts at the A's and goes shelf by shelf looking for books of her choice. She is short and has to stand on tip-toe to reach the 2nd from the top shelf. Forget the top one. And she stands close. I realize that she can't see well. She can't see well, but she can't give up reading. And I can surmise that reading means too much to her to give it up. She goes to LARGE PRINT, but she doesn't give reading up
totally. Man stands back, and isn't offering any help. I get frustrated with him until I realize...he is not oblivious of his mother. He is giving her independence as much as he can at this stage. He crosses one leg over the other as he shifts feet while waiting, but he does not do so impatiently. He has given up time on a Sunday afternoon, to take his mother somewhere she will enjoy. He doesn't run the errand by himself for her. He takes her with him. He gives her freedom, he gives her joy, he gives her his time and his love.
I don't have time to watch people. Then again, maybe I do...Make the most of waiting. So I tried it the other day at the library while I was lined up behind 6 other people at the Franklin/Williamson County Public Library. (They have not figured out the value of having more than one clerk available.)
Here goes...Man comes in accompanied by a woman. Man is dressed casually. Is
probably in his late 40s...Medium height, medium build. Salt and pepper curly hair. Glasses. Khaki slacks, navy short-sleeved pullover shirt, no socks, loafers. The woman with him is his mother, I decide. She toddles by his side, scooting her white nurse-looking-rubber-soled-shoes across the floor. He takes her to the front section of fiction. I know that section. It is LARGE PRINT! The man stands back, leaning on the corner of a counter. He stands quietly and looks about as his mother starts at the A's and goes shelf by shelf looking for books of her choice. She is short and has to stand on tip-toe to reach the 2nd from the top shelf. Forget the top one. And she stands close. I realize that she can't see well. She can't see well, but she can't give up reading. And I can surmise that reading means too much to her to give it up. She goes to LARGE PRINT, but she doesn't give reading up
totally. Man stands back, and isn't offering any help. I get frustrated with him until I realize...he is not oblivious of his mother. He is giving her independence as much as he can at this stage. He crosses one leg over the other as he shifts feet while waiting, but he does not do so impatiently. He has given up time on a Sunday afternoon, to take his mother somewhere she will enjoy. He doesn't run the errand by himself for her. He takes her with him. He gives her freedom, he gives her joy, he gives her his time and his love.
Birthdays
It has been a LONG time since I have blogged. I have needed to...would have helped me out, but my schedule and subsequently, my energy levels, just haven't allowed it.
Had my birthday. Only time my age will match the year I was born in this century. I came to a conclusion. Only parents can make your birthday a major event in history. Or grandparents. And oh, maybe siblings old enough to remember the day. I miss those stories my grandmother and mother told about the day I was born. You know... how Mom was in labor for 3 days because of me. And how my dad was sent out to prepare my grandmother for the first sight of me - "she has a warped head". I never really appreciated those stories when those ladies were around. But now that they aren't, and the old stories have become just that, ... it's rather quiet and sad. No one left in my life to commemorate what it was like the day I was born. No parents, no grandparents, no great aunts... Well, there is one aunt left, but her aging has left her silent. It makes me feel very old...
Had my birthday. Only time my age will match the year I was born in this century. I came to a conclusion. Only parents can make your birthday a major event in history. Or grandparents. And oh, maybe siblings old enough to remember the day. I miss those stories my grandmother and mother told about the day I was born. You know... how Mom was in labor for 3 days because of me. And how my dad was sent out to prepare my grandmother for the first sight of me - "she has a warped head". I never really appreciated those stories when those ladies were around. But now that they aren't, and the old stories have become just that, ... it's rather quiet and sad. No one left in my life to commemorate what it was like the day I was born. No parents, no grandparents, no great aunts... Well, there is one aunt left, but her aging has left her silent. It makes me feel very old...
Oh, add one more to the list!
I need to add one more car to my wishlist... It would be #4, so it ain't happenin' anytime soon.
Passed the Volkswagen place on Baker's Bridge. They have this cool looking pale blue SUV sitting out on the curb... It's called a Tunga or something like that. I hear they are pricy, but so, what's new... Add it to the list anyway...
Passed the Volkswagen place on Baker's Bridge. They have this cool looking pale blue SUV sitting out on the curb... It's called a Tunga or something like that. I hear they are pricy, but so, what's new... Add it to the list anyway...
Thursday, August 24, 2006
Cars
I have never been a car person. I like a nice dependable car to get around in. I like to like my car. But that's it. However, all of a sudden, I find myself wishing I had $60K or so, and I would trade in the 2 cars we have, and buy the following 3 cars.
1. Chrysler 300 - Oyster White
2. Chrysler Pacifica - Gold - 6seater as we took to Marco Island
and last but not least
3. Lime green Volkswagen convertible "bug"... black top...
I do LOVE having my convertible. It doesn't drive as smoothly as the Caddy did. But there is nothing like it on these summer evenings. Leave work, put the top down, and drive away home under the starry sky. Forget your troubles quickly... Destress mile by mile...
1. Chrysler 300 - Oyster White
2. Chrysler Pacifica - Gold - 6seater as we took to Marco Island
and last but not least
3. Lime green Volkswagen convertible "bug"... black top...
I do LOVE having my convertible. It doesn't drive as smoothly as the Caddy did. But there is nothing like it on these summer evenings. Leave work, put the top down, and drive away home under the starry sky. Forget your troubles quickly... Destress mile by mile...
Friday, August 11, 2006
Bob doesn't want to read my blog...
He doesn't even want to look at it!*! And it even has Carter's picture on it! He says it's "of the devil". (Why does THAT sound familiar?) Why is it that what we don't know about, what we fear, what we don't like, we don't want to face? I LOVE to write... I used to only like writing by hand, but now it's like I can't even think to write that way. I compose on computer. Writing is like breathing for me. A great stress-reliever too. Is Bob jealous of the time I spend away from him and spend in writing? You can't take it away from me. It is part of me.
Ta-Dah! The 2006 Williamson County Fair
Bob and I went to the fair last night. The sky was overcast, threatening rain, but that made it cooler, so we decided to go. (And we did NOT want to go Friday night or Saturday.)
Bob managed to get an ear of roasted corn and I got a funnel cake in time to go flying into the amphitheater to escape the falling rain. It was Grand Ol' Opry night. LOUD is the best thing I could say about that. Plus it was SO hot in there.
Rain lets up... We walk out and about... Bob wants to see the animals. I hate the animals. Okay, sorry, God... I don't hate the animals, but they stink. There is nothing more disgusting to me than to see the animals with all their body parts hanging out for all to see, and smelling them in such a hot, closed-in place, where you are walking shoulder to shoulder with people, and moms are running strollers of screaming kids into all kinds of things, including my heels! My Granddaddy would be disappointed in me. He loved his land, and his cows. But he was raised in the country, and I am a city girl. I will have to say that the baby goats were real cute. And we saw some man shear a sheep. A young teenaged girl narrated the process. They say that shearing a sheep doesn't hurt (how would they know?!). Did you know though that you have to keep the sheep on his back while shearing, because if it gets even 1 paw down on the ground, he can stand up (and run off)? I will have to say, that I did admire God's creation when I got to the roosters. You know what a rooster looks like. Well maybe you do, and maybe you don't, because there were all colors-red, white, brown, black-even leopard-skin-like, and sizes-big and small, and some that had puffy feet, and some with plumes on their head, and on and on... Only our God could create them so different and so unique.
You know on GREEN ACRES they say "Keep Manhattan and give me that countryside"? Well Lynda says, "Keep the country and take me ocean-side!"
Bob managed to get an ear of roasted corn and I got a funnel cake in time to go flying into the amphitheater to escape the falling rain. It was Grand Ol' Opry night. LOUD is the best thing I could say about that. Plus it was SO hot in there.
Rain lets up... We walk out and about... Bob wants to see the animals. I hate the animals. Okay, sorry, God... I don't hate the animals, but they stink. There is nothing more disgusting to me than to see the animals with all their body parts hanging out for all to see, and smelling them in such a hot, closed-in place, where you are walking shoulder to shoulder with people, and moms are running strollers of screaming kids into all kinds of things, including my heels! My Granddaddy would be disappointed in me. He loved his land, and his cows. But he was raised in the country, and I am a city girl. I will have to say that the baby goats were real cute. And we saw some man shear a sheep. A young teenaged girl narrated the process. They say that shearing a sheep doesn't hurt (how would they know?!). Did you know though that you have to keep the sheep on his back while shearing, because if it gets even 1 paw down on the ground, he can stand up (and run off)? I will have to say, that I did admire God's creation when I got to the roosters. You know what a rooster looks like. Well maybe you do, and maybe you don't, because there were all colors-red, white, brown, black-even leopard-skin-like, and sizes-big and small, and some that had puffy feet, and some with plumes on their head, and on and on... Only our God could create them so different and so unique.
You know on GREEN ACRES they say "Keep Manhattan and give me that countryside"? Well Lynda says, "Keep the country and take me ocean-side!"
The Newest Terrorist Plot
There have been 23 people at this time arrested in the latest Al Queda terrorist plot... Involves Muslims and British Muslims, and Pakistanis. (Pakistan used to be a British colony!) British police doing their jobs discovered plan to take down 9 planes from London to US (New York) - United, American and Continental - men were to take liquid combustibles on the plane disguised in water, coffee, baby formula, even gels such as toothpaste, hair gel...and blow the planes up by mixing with ??? while in flight. Planes are good environments to blow things up the experts say!! "They say" they were planning for this to happen before the anniversary date of 9/11/2001.
Life changed on that eventful day, and I now believe that life will never be the same...
Life changed on that eventful day, and I now believe that life will never be the same...
Thursday, August 10, 2006
Luke is 4 1/2
Went with Gran to see BARNYARD last Saturday.
He was spellbound...
Important tidbit to remember for this age and stage:
Luke has learned how to pinky-swear.
Big sister Landry taught him how.
He was spellbound...
Important tidbit to remember for this age and stage:
Luke has learned how to pinky-swear.
Big sister Landry taught him how.
Monday, August 07, 2006
Monday's Musings
1. It was a convertible night. 92 degrees at 7 pm...but cool enough with the top down! Beautiful sunset to my right coming home, and a big white puffy cloud up ahead to the left.
2. Have I mentioned my current celebrity hunks? I think it is important for every woman to have at least a couple of these at all times. One is Anderson Cooper (CNN-360-Gloria Vanderbilt's son) and the other one is Jack (Anthony ???) on Without A Trace. Not only is he nice to look at, but he has a GREAT voice.
Over and out with these important revelations.
2. Have I mentioned my current celebrity hunks? I think it is important for every woman to have at least a couple of these at all times. One is Anderson Cooper (CNN-360-Gloria Vanderbilt's son) and the other one is Jack (Anthony ???) on Without A Trace. Not only is he nice to look at, but he has a GREAT voice.
Over and out with these important revelations.
Sunday, August 06, 2006
My Big Mouth
Okay... there's this female person at church. I work with her, kind of...from a distance...AND she is in my SS class... For whatever reason, we didn't get off to a good start, and months later, it is only minutely better. I seem to stick my foot in my mouth every time we are together. She is beautiful...absolutely beautiful... Young (30?), long dark hair, tanned skin... like I would love to look. It's not her looks that put me off, although sometimes that happens to me. I wondered this morning, if I should just say, did you know that you are beautiful?? But I figured she would think I was even dumber than she already does! She tried to help me out once by email, only to find that I wasn't the Linda who needed help. I don't think I responded very well. (Why not?!) She is SO quiet. At our SS party, she sat at another table. Was that to get away from me? And then this morning, she helped me out with something, and along the way in the SS lesson, I then stuck my foot in my mouth...not once, but twice! What is WRONG with me? I wanted to say, could we like, start all over again? I really like you...I don't know what the problem is... Instead, I just hurry on out of the room, down the hallway, and hope that God takes my mouth over the next time...
Joys in Life
You know they say that money can't buy everything. That's true, but I would also say that you have to have ENOUGH money to live.
The older I get, the more I find joys in life. They have nothing to do with money or success or climbing a corporate ladder. I think it has to do with the fact that my big goals have been reached. I have a husband, I have children, I have a college degree, and I have a job I love. At this moment in time, I have my health...at least most of it! :) I don't feel a rush to achieve. I find myself content in the state I am in. (Not to say that I won't go back to school at some point to get that Master's degree...!*!)
I love this time of year... I don't know if it is because my birthday is at the end of August, or because school is about to start, and I always loved school, or because fall is near, and my grandmother used to take me to get new clothes every year for my birthday/school...and I have many happy memories of those days. As I write, my husband is watching a football game LIVE on TV! While it is a little hotter and more humid than I like outside, I still love it. And there is about half a moon in the sky playing peek-a-boo in the clouds. The moon this time of year is beginning to take on the "harvest" glow, rather than the crisp white color.
Ten years ago, I would have said that the best thing in life is to wake up in the middle of the night, and find a husband you love and who loves you, there beside you. Now that he snores, okay...now that we BOTH snore, sometimes that is not always a good thing!
And so, the whole point of this blog...it just doesn't get any better than having your 4 1/2 yr old grandson come running when he sees you. Luke has done that for awhile now. At least a couple of years. It happened again yesterday. I went to watch his older sister play a soccer game. As I got to the fields, I saw Luke and his mom coming down the path from the bathrooms! Luke caught sight of me, started waving wildly, and ran as fast as his little legs would carry him toward me...even stopping along the way to take his sandals off so he could run faster. I admit I have to brace myself, because as he comes close, he jumps up in my arms... My middle-aged back, and my carpal tunnel surgically-fixed wrists don't want to support the sudden extra weight, but I wouldn't trade those short moments in time for ANYTHING in the world. I don't remember his sisters doing that at that age. It's a uniquely Luke thing, I think. A special bond between us...Treasured memories...precious times...I hope my mind stays intact so that I can recall these moments, when I need special pick-me-ups in my old age...
The older I get, the more I find joys in life. They have nothing to do with money or success or climbing a corporate ladder. I think it has to do with the fact that my big goals have been reached. I have a husband, I have children, I have a college degree, and I have a job I love. At this moment in time, I have my health...at least most of it! :) I don't feel a rush to achieve. I find myself content in the state I am in. (Not to say that I won't go back to school at some point to get that Master's degree...!*!)
I love this time of year... I don't know if it is because my birthday is at the end of August, or because school is about to start, and I always loved school, or because fall is near, and my grandmother used to take me to get new clothes every year for my birthday/school...and I have many happy memories of those days. As I write, my husband is watching a football game LIVE on TV! While it is a little hotter and more humid than I like outside, I still love it. And there is about half a moon in the sky playing peek-a-boo in the clouds. The moon this time of year is beginning to take on the "harvest" glow, rather than the crisp white color.
Ten years ago, I would have said that the best thing in life is to wake up in the middle of the night, and find a husband you love and who loves you, there beside you. Now that he snores, okay...now that we BOTH snore, sometimes that is not always a good thing!
And so, the whole point of this blog...it just doesn't get any better than having your 4 1/2 yr old grandson come running when he sees you. Luke has done that for awhile now. At least a couple of years. It happened again yesterday. I went to watch his older sister play a soccer game. As I got to the fields, I saw Luke and his mom coming down the path from the bathrooms! Luke caught sight of me, started waving wildly, and ran as fast as his little legs would carry him toward me...even stopping along the way to take his sandals off so he could run faster. I admit I have to brace myself, because as he comes close, he jumps up in my arms... My middle-aged back, and my carpal tunnel surgically-fixed wrists don't want to support the sudden extra weight, but I wouldn't trade those short moments in time for ANYTHING in the world. I don't remember his sisters doing that at that age. It's a uniquely Luke thing, I think. A special bond between us...Treasured memories...precious times...I hope my mind stays intact so that I can recall these moments, when I need special pick-me-ups in my old age...
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
Tuesday, July 11, 2006
Love
We went to see the baby last night. We had hoped that everyone else had had their chances at holding Baby, and we would have our time. But there was a steady string of people waiting for their chance. There were friends and cousins and co-workers. We finally had our chances. We didn't get to hold him long, but we got to hold him. What a LOVED baby. How wonderful it is when people are loved from all around. How can you go wrong in existing in an environment of love? But there will come a time when Baby Great-Nephew will not be loved and accepted as he needs to be. His parents are only human. We all are only humans. But God is...God. God will always be there. God will always love Baby. Oh if we could always bask in the knowledge that God loves us, as only a Father can do.
New Life
Life is full of firsts. I have a great nephew! He was born yesterday. What a beautiful baby! What an awesome miracle the birth of a baby. Having babies has changed so much in the past 30 years. Makes me sad in some ways. I was all alone having my babies. Yes, the father was around somewhere, but I went through the experience alone. Both times the doctor wasn't even there. I had nurses dealing with me, and I don't even remember any nice nurses! And yet, I will never ever forget either experience, and they are uniquely my own. Admittedly, I know me. When I am hurting, I don't want anybody around anyway. But there were no family members waiting out in the waiting rooms, and no friends standing by.
That was then, and this is now. The mother, father, and maternal grandmother were in the labor and delivery room. One grandfather on the phone the whole time out in the hall. The waiting room was filled with the other grandfather, a grandmother, a step-grandmother, aunts, and friends. The grandmother gradually worked her way down to the delivery room. When the rest of us were summoned, we came flying out of the waiting room and down the hall to stand outside the room. The baby had already tried out his lungs by the time we got there. The nurse opened the door, and let us come in partially to a curtain shielding the mother, and watch as the baby got cleaned up and weighed. We all stood stretching and peering to see if all fingers and toes were there. Only some blood still left on baby's head gave sign that THIS was a newborn! And we were there in the midst of the birth of new life. A photographer hired by a grandmother fortunately was a tall man able to capture the scene from a distance. The paternal grandmother just stood at the door and cried, as she saw that the baby looked as her son did some 26 years before. How could anyone in such a moment not believe in the creation of God?
That was then, and this is now. The mother, father, and maternal grandmother were in the labor and delivery room. One grandfather on the phone the whole time out in the hall. The waiting room was filled with the other grandfather, a grandmother, a step-grandmother, aunts, and friends. The grandmother gradually worked her way down to the delivery room. When the rest of us were summoned, we came flying out of the waiting room and down the hall to stand outside the room. The baby had already tried out his lungs by the time we got there. The nurse opened the door, and let us come in partially to a curtain shielding the mother, and watch as the baby got cleaned up and weighed. We all stood stretching and peering to see if all fingers and toes were there. Only some blood still left on baby's head gave sign that THIS was a newborn! And we were there in the midst of the birth of new life. A photographer hired by a grandmother fortunately was a tall man able to capture the scene from a distance. The paternal grandmother just stood at the door and cried, as she saw that the baby looked as her son did some 26 years before. How could anyone in such a moment not believe in the creation of God?
Saturday, July 01, 2006
Past Ruminations
Feeling Sad
Danielle/Matthew/Hurt/Pain/Worry
Shattered Lives
shattered lives
and broken pieces
pain that lasts
it never ceases
wonder if life
will ever be the same
May 6, 2005
------------------------------------------
(Luke stayed with us last night)
FOR LUKE
I came home tonight
To bears upon the chair
Just where you had placed them
Oh so neatly there.
And then I saw the car mat
On the living room floor
Lined up, trucks and flags and cars,
There must be nine or more.
The house is dark, quiet and still
No cries of “Gran! Where ahr you?”
No blonde, tow-headed smiling boy
Insisting on no shoes.
Luke, you are almost 3,
I think hard trying to freeze,
These moments of this stage of life,
Time I cannot seize.
You remind me of your daddy,
And that is why I smile,
You will only be this old
For just a little while.
I watched you sleep this morning,
I brushed my hand over your hair,
You did not wake, you did not stir
You seemed to have no cares.
Part of me wanted to wake you,
Part of me left you to be,
Unencumbered by this life,
Trouble I wish you wouldn’t see.
And so tonight I close my eyes,
And I can see you there,
I see you smile and run to me,
Yes times like these are rare.
August 16, 2004
-----------------------------------------------
Feeling Silly
Sonny Bunny-Matthew to Landry
THE ON-GOING SAGA OF SONNY BUNNY
We have had a rabbit named Sonny Bunny,
Remember? He always knew where you were,
He knew what time you would be home,
And would wait on the grass by your car.
Today we have his junior,
A little tyke is he,
He’s little and scrawny and jumps around
With a tail as white as can be.
Sometimes he plays in the backyard
Or eats a lot of grass
But at sunset waits in the front yard
“What time will Bob be home?” He asks.
Landry left him some Cheerios,
He ate them last night on the step,
He came back sometime in the night,
Now not a Cheerio is left!
June 21, 2004
------------------------------------------------------
I SAID GOODBYE
I said goodbye to my friend today
She is moving far away.
She has helped me in rough times
And become best friend of mine.
I said goodbye to my friend today
She is moving far away.
I know the move is best for her,
So why does pain within me stir?
I said goodbye to my friend today
She is moving far away.
A new place to go, a relationship ending,
Life has changed, yet one more beginning.
I said goodbye to my friend today
She is moving far away.
Another day passed, another day gone
Another chance for which I long.
I said goodbye to my friend today
She is moving far away.
Another person who was near
Another friend who became dear.
I said goodbye to my friend today
She is moving far away.
Is it what life is about?
One being whispers, another shouts?
I said goodbye to my friend today
She is moving far away.
We promised to see each other again,
The question was yes, not if, but when.
I said goodbye to my friend today
She is moving far away.
Someone who knew me out and in,
Someone almost as close as my next-of-kin.
I said goodbye to my friend today
She is moving far away.
Is this what it means to get old
To have the warmth and then feel the cold?
I said goodbye to my friend today
She is moving far away.
We tried not, but cried the tears,
I face the future now with fears.
I said goodbye to my friend today
She is moving far away.
June 13, 2004 LC
----------------------------------------
Feeling Quiet
Meditations in Hawaii
THE BANYAN TREE BESIDE THE ROAD
That day I saw the banyan tree
Just standing all alone,
He was a young and struggling tree,
He is not fully grown.
The mountains rose behind him,
Green grass was all around,
The lava had not touched him,
He grows without a sound.
The older trees that we had seen
Upon the hotel grounds,
Had trunks so gnarled and thick and round
Interwoven within bounds.
I wondered if that banyan tree
Knows what his purpose is-
What reason he is what he is
Other than he knows-he is His.
That day I saw the banyan tree
Upon the big Big Island
I thought, “He is so much like me,
Wondering what he is to be.”
He’s young, untouched,
And out there so alone.
I asked, “What will life bring to him,
Before he is all grown?”
When he sees cars go by his way
As he stands there day after day,
Will they notice, and will they care
That he too has a purpose there?
How blessed is he and cattle there
That God chose the island Hawaii
To stand and grow in that particular air
God had His purpose you see.
That day I saw the banyan tree
It was beside the road,
And as we drove toward Waimea
I felt the air grow cold.
With the sea behind and the mountains ahead,
Above sea level we rose.
We drove higher to find some food
In a small Hawaiian town close.
I do not know the reason why
I noticed that banyan tree there
Except that he looked so good and strong.
Aha! He had had the Maker’s care.
No matter where we are
Or what we are to see,
We can always know, it’s true,
The God Creator, He loves me.
I saw the banyan tree that day
I wondered what he was,
And why he was there, and when and where,
The Father said…“Because”.
“My daughter, Dear, I’ve tried to say,
I have a purpose for all I made,
One day my hope is that all may see
Not only humans, but yes, the trees.”
“I made them all, yes, God, that’s Me.
I made them for Myself you see.
I planned, I made, I brought them here
I gave them heart and mind and tear.”
“All creatures are made, yes made by Me
Not only humans, but yes, the trees.
I have a purpose for each of them,
A purpose only each can see.”
I saw the banyan tree that day
I never will forget
I know he stands beside that road
And watches God’s sunset.
June 13, 2004 - LC
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Wednesday, May 5, 2004 12:35:00 AM EDT
Feeling Happy
Luke
Luke said "Gan" for the first time... in front of me...Thursday, April 29, 2004.
Danielle/Matthew/Hurt/Pain/Worry
Shattered Lives
shattered lives
and broken pieces
pain that lasts
it never ceases
wonder if life
will ever be the same
May 6, 2005
------------------------------------------
(Luke stayed with us last night)
FOR LUKE
I came home tonight
To bears upon the chair
Just where you had placed them
Oh so neatly there.
And then I saw the car mat
On the living room floor
Lined up, trucks and flags and cars,
There must be nine or more.
The house is dark, quiet and still
No cries of “Gran! Where ahr you?”
No blonde, tow-headed smiling boy
Insisting on no shoes.
Luke, you are almost 3,
I think hard trying to freeze,
These moments of this stage of life,
Time I cannot seize.
You remind me of your daddy,
And that is why I smile,
You will only be this old
For just a little while.
I watched you sleep this morning,
I brushed my hand over your hair,
You did not wake, you did not stir
You seemed to have no cares.
Part of me wanted to wake you,
Part of me left you to be,
Unencumbered by this life,
Trouble I wish you wouldn’t see.
And so tonight I close my eyes,
And I can see you there,
I see you smile and run to me,
Yes times like these are rare.
August 16, 2004
-----------------------------------------------
Feeling Silly
Sonny Bunny-Matthew to Landry
THE ON-GOING SAGA OF SONNY BUNNY
We have had a rabbit named Sonny Bunny,
Remember? He always knew where you were,
He knew what time you would be home,
And would wait on the grass by your car.
Today we have his junior,
A little tyke is he,
He’s little and scrawny and jumps around
With a tail as white as can be.
Sometimes he plays in the backyard
Or eats a lot of grass
But at sunset waits in the front yard
“What time will Bob be home?” He asks.
Landry left him some Cheerios,
He ate them last night on the step,
He came back sometime in the night,
Now not a Cheerio is left!
June 21, 2004
------------------------------------------------------
I SAID GOODBYE
I said goodbye to my friend today
She is moving far away.
She has helped me in rough times
And become best friend of mine.
I said goodbye to my friend today
She is moving far away.
I know the move is best for her,
So why does pain within me stir?
I said goodbye to my friend today
She is moving far away.
A new place to go, a relationship ending,
Life has changed, yet one more beginning.
I said goodbye to my friend today
She is moving far away.
Another day passed, another day gone
Another chance for which I long.
I said goodbye to my friend today
She is moving far away.
Another person who was near
Another friend who became dear.
I said goodbye to my friend today
She is moving far away.
Is it what life is about?
One being whispers, another shouts?
I said goodbye to my friend today
She is moving far away.
We promised to see each other again,
The question was yes, not if, but when.
I said goodbye to my friend today
She is moving far away.
Someone who knew me out and in,
Someone almost as close as my next-of-kin.
I said goodbye to my friend today
She is moving far away.
Is this what it means to get old
To have the warmth and then feel the cold?
I said goodbye to my friend today
She is moving far away.
We tried not, but cried the tears,
I face the future now with fears.
I said goodbye to my friend today
She is moving far away.
June 13, 2004 LC
----------------------------------------
Feeling Quiet
Meditations in Hawaii
THE BANYAN TREE BESIDE THE ROAD
That day I saw the banyan tree
Just standing all alone,
He was a young and struggling tree,
He is not fully grown.
The mountains rose behind him,
Green grass was all around,
The lava had not touched him,
He grows without a sound.
The older trees that we had seen
Upon the hotel grounds,
Had trunks so gnarled and thick and round
Interwoven within bounds.
I wondered if that banyan tree
Knows what his purpose is-
What reason he is what he is
Other than he knows-he is His.
That day I saw the banyan tree
Upon the big Big Island
I thought, “He is so much like me,
Wondering what he is to be.”
He’s young, untouched,
And out there so alone.
I asked, “What will life bring to him,
Before he is all grown?”
When he sees cars go by his way
As he stands there day after day,
Will they notice, and will they care
That he too has a purpose there?
How blessed is he and cattle there
That God chose the island Hawaii
To stand and grow in that particular air
God had His purpose you see.
That day I saw the banyan tree
It was beside the road,
And as we drove toward Waimea
I felt the air grow cold.
With the sea behind and the mountains ahead,
Above sea level we rose.
We drove higher to find some food
In a small Hawaiian town close.
I do not know the reason why
I noticed that banyan tree there
Except that he looked so good and strong.
Aha! He had had the Maker’s care.
No matter where we are
Or what we are to see,
We can always know, it’s true,
The God Creator, He loves me.
I saw the banyan tree that day
I wondered what he was,
And why he was there, and when and where,
The Father said…“Because”.
“My daughter, Dear, I’ve tried to say,
I have a purpose for all I made,
One day my hope is that all may see
Not only humans, but yes, the trees.”
“I made them all, yes, God, that’s Me.
I made them for Myself you see.
I planned, I made, I brought them here
I gave them heart and mind and tear.”
“All creatures are made, yes made by Me
Not only humans, but yes, the trees.
I have a purpose for each of them,
A purpose only each can see.”
I saw the banyan tree that day
I never will forget
I know he stands beside that road
And watches God’s sunset.
June 13, 2004 - LC
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Wednesday, May 5, 2004 12:35:00 AM EDT
Feeling Happy
Luke
Luke said "Gan" for the first time... in front of me...Thursday, April 29, 2004.
Wednesday, June 28, 2006
Say Something!
Okay... There are only 3 people so far who know about this blog. My daughter, my brother and ME! And not only has it been bugging me that I can't seem to find the time or the energy or the mind to blog, but now my daughter has noticed! I haven't blogged all month! We went on vacation, and I had very limited access to computer use, and I used that time to check emails. So I was anxious to get home and blog away, only to find myself... speechless... or writeless... (that's a Lyndaism) I had thoughts, but I didn't capture them in time, and now they have blown away. Let's try a couple here... We went to see our great-niece weekend before last. What a sweetheart! She is so LOVED. It is so obvious. I remembered how when I taught 2 yr olds in BBC Summer Play Days in 2004, it was so neat to see how most of the kids were so LOVED. They just reeked of it. I have Paris' picture on my desk peeking out around my ThinkPad. It makes me smile when I look at it. At that age - 7 months - there is just such an innocence. You expect nothing of them and they just give joy. And then we move on to Father's Day. Course I knew the whole time between Mother's Day and Father's Day, that we would have no fathers or grandfathers with whom to celebrate. It was sad, but a fact. Then Father's Day comes and we are sitting in church and Mike starts talking about fathers, and it hits me in the gut hard and I'm crying and Bob is sniffing. 23 years without Daddy, and I'm still not over it. Several times recently I have thought of or been reminded of Granddaddy. Usually makes me smile. And while I don't verbalize it even mentally anymore, ya have to wonder why others live long lives, and others don't. Which reminds me... Mam-ma would have been 94 tomorrow! Okay... I feel better... I have written something.
Thursday, May 25, 2006
From Dale Smith of Motivational Mondays...
"Portrait of a Friend"I can't give solutions to all of life's problems, doubts, or fears. But I can listen to you, and together we will search for answers.I can't change your past with all it's heartache and pain,nor the future with its untold stories.But I can be there now when you need me to care.I can't keep your feet from stumbling.I can only offer my hand that you may grasp it and not fall.Your joys, triumphs, successes, and happiness are not mine;Yet I can share in your laughter.Your decisions in life are not mine to make, nor to judge;I can only support you, encourage you,and help you when you ask.I can't prevent you from falling away from friendship,from your values, from me.I can only pray for you, talk to you and wait for you.I can't give you boundaries which I have determined for you,But I can give you the room to change, room to grow,room to be yourself.I can't keep your heart from breaking and hurting,But I can cry with you and help you pick up the piecesand put them back in place.I can't tell you who you are.I can only love you and be your friend.--Unknown
My Space
Saturday we worked like dogs in the yard. Weather was beautiful... it got hot... but we got alot done. Including, fixing me a "special place", a "private space", my "secret garden" on the side of the house, hidden by the shrubbery! We bought a black wrought-iron glider, and I'm using one of Mom's black wrought-iron tables...I put a flower arrangement on it... For nighttime use, it gets some light from our house and the house next door... Looks into the eastern sky, so I can see the sun and the moon rise from there!
I haven't even had the time or the energy to "try it out" yet! Now that I have it, I want to establish quiet times there. Perfect place for this time of year (which I love!).
I haven't even had the time or the energy to "try it out" yet! Now that I have it, I want to establish quiet times there. Perfect place for this time of year (which I love!).
Monday, May 15, 2006
My Mother's Day this year!
After lunch at O'Charleys and chocolate chip cheesecake!,
we are on our way in to see Mission Impossible 3!
Bittersweet time... Michele moving to Denver in 8 days...
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