Past Ruminations

Feeling Sad
Danielle/Matthew/Hurt/Pain/Worry
Shattered Lives
shattered lives
and broken pieces
pain that lasts
it never ceases
wonder if life
will ever be the same

May 6, 2005
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(Luke stayed with us last night)
FOR LUKE

I came home tonight
To bears upon the chair
Just where you had placed them
Oh so neatly there.

And then I saw the car mat
On the living room floor
Lined up, trucks and flags and cars,
There must be nine or more.

The house is dark, quiet and still
No cries of “Gran! Where ahr you?”
No blonde, tow-headed smiling boy
Insisting on no shoes.

Luke, you are almost 3,
I think hard trying to freeze,
These moments of this stage of life,
Time I cannot seize.

You remind me of your daddy,
And that is why I smile,
You will only be this old
For just a little while.

I watched you sleep this morning,
I brushed my hand over your hair,
You did not wake, you did not stir
You seemed to have no cares.

Part of me wanted to wake you,
Part of me left you to be,
Unencumbered by this life,
Trouble I wish you wouldn’t see.

And so tonight I close my eyes,
And I can see you there,
I see you smile and run to me,
Yes times like these are rare.

August 16, 2004
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Feeling Silly
Sonny Bunny-Matthew to Landry
THE ON-GOING SAGA OF SONNY BUNNY

We have had a rabbit named Sonny Bunny,
Remember? He always knew where you were,
He knew what time you would be home,
And would wait on the grass by your car.

Today we have his junior,
A little tyke is he,
He’s little and scrawny and jumps around
With a tail as white as can be.

Sometimes he plays in the backyard
Or eats a lot of grass
But at sunset waits in the front yard
“What time will Bob be home?” He asks.

Landry left him some Cheerios,
He ate them last night on the step,
He came back sometime in the night,
Now not a Cheerio is left!

June 21, 2004
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I SAID GOODBYE

I said goodbye to my friend today
She is moving far away.
She has helped me in rough times
And become best friend of mine.

I said goodbye to my friend today
She is moving far away.
I know the move is best for her,
So why does pain within me stir?

I said goodbye to my friend today
She is moving far away.
A new place to go, a relationship ending,
Life has changed, yet one more beginning.

I said goodbye to my friend today
She is moving far away.
Another day passed, another day gone
Another chance for which I long.

I said goodbye to my friend today
She is moving far away.
Another person who was near
Another friend who became dear.

I said goodbye to my friend today
She is moving far away.
Is it what life is about?
One being whispers, another shouts?

I said goodbye to my friend today
She is moving far away.
We promised to see each other again,
The question was yes, not if, but when.

I said goodbye to my friend today
She is moving far away.
Someone who knew me out and in,
Someone almost as close as my next-of-kin.

I said goodbye to my friend today
She is moving far away.
Is this what it means to get old
To have the warmth and then feel the cold?

I said goodbye to my friend today
She is moving far away.
We tried not, but cried the tears,
I face the future now with fears.

I said goodbye to my friend today
She is moving far away.

June 13, 2004 LC
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Feeling Quiet
Meditations in Hawaii
THE BANYAN TREE BESIDE THE ROAD

That day I saw the banyan tree
Just standing all alone,
He was a young and struggling tree,
He is not fully grown.

The mountains rose behind him,
Green grass was all around,
The lava had not touched him,
He grows without a sound.

The older trees that we had seen
Upon the hotel grounds,
Had trunks so gnarled and thick and round
Interwoven within bounds.

I wondered if that banyan tree
Knows what his purpose is-
What reason he is what he is
Other than he knows-he is His.

That day I saw the banyan tree
Upon the big Big Island
I thought, “He is so much like me,
Wondering what he is to be.”

He’s young, untouched,
And out there so alone.
I asked, “What will life bring to him,
Before he is all grown?”

When he sees cars go by his way
As he stands there day after day,
Will they notice, and will they care
That he too has a purpose there?

How blessed is he and cattle there
That God chose the island Hawaii
To stand and grow in that particular air
God had His purpose you see.

That day I saw the banyan tree
It was beside the road,
And as we drove toward Waimea
I felt the air grow cold.

With the sea behind and the mountains ahead,
Above sea level we rose.
We drove higher to find some food
In a small Hawaiian town close.

I do not know the reason why
I noticed that banyan tree there
Except that he looked so good and strong.
Aha! He had had the Maker’s care.

No matter where we are
Or what we are to see,
We can always know, it’s true,
The God Creator, He loves me.

I saw the banyan tree that day
I wondered what he was,
And why he was there, and when and where,
The Father said…“Because”.

“My daughter, Dear, I’ve tried to say,
I have a purpose for all I made,
One day my hope is that all may see
Not only humans, but yes, the trees.”

“I made them all, yes, God, that’s Me.
I made them for Myself you see.
I planned, I made, I brought them here
I gave them heart and mind and tear.”

“All creatures are made, yes made by Me
Not only humans, but yes, the trees.
I have a purpose for each of them,
A purpose only each can see.”

I saw the banyan tree that day
I never will forget
I know he stands beside that road
And watches God’s sunset.

June 13, 2004 - LC
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Wednesday, May 5, 2004 12:35:00 AM EDT
Feeling Happy
Luke
Luke said "Gan" for the first time... in front of me...Thursday, April 29, 2004.