88 Keys

New Relationships

2011-06-27T10:27:00.003-05:00

The last time I really wrote on here, I had lost communication with a young dear friend of mine. She has now graduated from high school and should be starting college in the fall and I am so excited for her. I hope everything is going well for her.

I've been going through some really bad trying times financially. Today brought some good news through 2 venues. Thank you, God!

Simple Statement of Fact

2010-10-15T16:53:00.002-05:00

If you do the SAME THINGS
the SAME WAY - - -
you get the SAME RESULTS.

Just sayin'...

Communication Is A Must In Relationships

2010-01-10T23:22:00.003-06:00

You can have communication but not a relationship with someone,
but you can't have a relationship with someone without communication.

I've lost a relationship with a young friend this year which makes me sad. Actually she was an adopted godchild. I was kind of her grandmother mentor, even though her mother is only 10 years younger than I am, and she has a perfectly good grandmother.
Yet she needed someone else in her life in that role, and for awhile, I filled it.

Because she lives about 45 minutes away, it has taken work to maintain this 3-year relationship from the start. We have talked on the phone, written emails on computer, text-messaged, and seen each other face-to-face on rare occasions.
She's almost 17 years old and driving and has been working part-time in addition to going to school. So she is busy, and I am busy. And so communicating at times that were good for both of us has been difficult.

I have discovered with my own grown children, that you have to communicate in whatever way works for them in order to hear from them. When my daughter lived in Knoxville, we would have gone broke if we had called each other. But we emailed back and forth. When she moved to Denver, she started text-messaging, so I had to learn how to text-message to keep up with her. My son emails me often. If he calls it's a rare occasion, or it's something bad. We do what we have to do in whatever manner to communicate with each other.

And so with P, the godchild, we've tried it all, but in the last few months, nothing has worked well. The first train wreck was when she went on Fall Break with her parents. Though she text-messaged me on the way to FL, it stopped abruptly when she got there. Come to find out, her father told her she couldn't call or text-message me, because the phone carrier service would charge him extra down there. I could understand that, maybe, but why didn't she tell me that ahead of time? And come to find out, she took a friend with her. She hadn't told me that either. I began to discover that not only were we having trouble finding a mode of communication, but that she was not communicating. I began to feel like I was talking to a brick wall. She had been only offering "how are you" and "I hate school/work". I wanted, "saw a cute boy in my class today," or "had a math test and it blew me out of the water," or "I have a friend and we went shopping and I found the cutest pair of shoes."

When I would call her, invariably her parents would give her something to do. When she called me, it would be about 9pm and I learned she was supposed to be in the shower or getting ready for the next day, and she was talking to me while changing clothes, or with her head stuck in the closet picking out clothes for the next day, or packing her lunch... she was distracted. I had trouble getting her attention.
Okay, phone wasn't working. Then we went to text-messaging, but you can't have long conversations that way, plus, her dad cut that off at times. Why don't you email me, I asked her. I'm too busy. No time to get on the computer. I didn't buy that. I think her parents had restricted her use of the computer. Or... she wasn't very concerned about really communicating with me to start.

The Saturday before Christmas, I had a great-niece born. This niece has the very same name only spelled differently from my godchild! I text-messaged her to tell her - I thought that was exciting because it is a pretty unique name anyway. I think she responded "cool". Some of the relatives at the hospital live north of Nashville, as does this godchild. They said it was snowing up there! So I asked the godchild if it was snowing at her house and she said she didn't know. I asked why she didn't know - was she still in bed? (it was about noon) She said no. Then she said in a typical smart-aleck teenager tone - "If you want to know, why don't YOU look?" She missed the part that I was in Nashville. It wasn't snowing in Nashville. I heard it was snowing NORTH of Nashville. She lives north of Nashville. That's why I was asking her. And to share something with her. And just to talk to her. At that point, I told her to go back to bed, and when she got up in a better mood from the other side, I'd talk to her again.

The relationship has gone downhill since. If I text-message, she answers but she does not initiate any conversations - by phone, or email, or text-messaging.
I did send her an email about friends - some are friends for a season, some are friends for a reason, and some are friends for a lifetime. She did email back and say she didn't "get it".

I'm pretty sure her parents have told her not to correspond with me - unless I contact her first. I can't knock her parents. Her parents are her parents.

In the brief conversations I have had with P since Christmas, she only rattles on about how she's losing friends, and it's not her fault and she's doing the best she can,...??? I think there is alot more going on than meets the eye. But she's not telling me what that is.

I know her parttime job has put her under alot of pressure with getting her schoolwork done. I think she would have been alot better off working last summer, instead of starting when school started, but that was her parent's call.

And so I think about her, and wish her the best, and hope that one day we can be friends again. But for now, it's over. You cannot maintain a relationship without communication. This opened my eyes to that fact. And that's sad. I can only hope she learns HOW to communicate with people she cares about.

Makes me wonder why in school they teach the basics such as "reading, writing, arithmetic" but they exclude such life skills as basic appropriate communication from one individual to another.

Random Thoughts on Parenting

2010-01-07T22:01:00.005-06:00

Okay, it's been over a year since I posted anything. Since getting back on this site, I have found several things to change, and wanted to do more, but decided to stop and WRITE. That's what happens to me these days... I get distracted and don't complete the task at hand.

Well, because of several things that have happened in the past couple of months, I have been taking looks at the past. The distant past and the faraway past. But the past leads to the present. We don't need to dwell in the past. We don't need to lie in the mud. We need to appreciate today for today. But there is some value in analyzing what has happened and made us what we are today.

From a conversation with my brother today, I am convinced that we all have those snapshot moments from our childhood and of our past, that affect us in very real ways today. As Dave said, they aren't whole videos of chapters of our life. Just unconnected snapshots. They don't have to make sense to anyone but us. We feel what we feel. Might have been explained away if given the chance to communicate. But we carry them with us today and into tomorrow.

I think that no matter how good or how bad our childhood, we all walk into adulthood with some kind of baggage.
And I am convinced that parents do the very best they know how while bringing up their children.
But there are always consequences, from a response, spoken or acted upon, and given little thought about at the time.

Times have changed and life is not like it was 40-50 years ago.
And just as I brought some of that snapshot baggage with me into my adulthood, my children have snapshot moments they have taken into their adulthood.
I cringe and hurt and am embarassed and ashamed sometimes when they talk about things they remember I did in their childhood years.
Why does it seem everyone remembers the bad times but not the good times?
Or at least the bad far outnumber the good.
There are so many things I hoped at the time to erase from my kids' minds and hearts and egos.
I feel I did more tearing down than building up.
I hoped and prayed they wouldn't remember the bad - but they do.
My parents would probably feel the same way.
But they aren't around for me to talk to. (Talk to your parents while you can!) And children from the same home can come away with totally different perspectives on their upbringing.
My brother was a great kid. He was a little adult and got into little trouble.
I thought. In hearing him talk, he had his own share of problems and feelings of insecurity.
None of us come away unhurt.
Very complex. How do you break the trend when you are raising children?
Do perfect environments exist today?
Are only top-level, mature Christians capable of making perfect homes for children?
Is there perfect?

I'm Bbbaaaccckkk!

2008-12-15T15:08:00.004-06:00

Okay. I was feeling guilty. I "fussed" at a friend for being an IT, website guy and not updating his blog in 3 months. But then I realized that I am a MIS grad and I haven't touched mine in 4 months, so...here I am.
Ice storm being predicted for tonight.
Christmas tree finally all decorated last night.
Stairwell and mantle due tonight. (Bob did the garland for the stairwell today - I have to fix the bows tonight.)
Bob working nights and weekends at the mall in Customer Service. Seems to be good at it, and enjoying himself. Gives me some time to myself, but sometimes - like a Sunday afternoon - it is TOO much time and I really miss him. Springfield really misses him too.
I am feeling detached from the season for some reason. Not stressed. I keep telling myself it is NEXT week. Waiting 'til payday to buy presents. WHERE IS THE MONEY? GIVE ME the money!
I think I am going to cook/bake something for several of the presents. That is
s-a-d. Pray for those people!

"Don't Do That To Me"

2008-08-07T23:19:00.003-05:00

I was leaving the library, 2 movies in hand. The week has been long, and by the time I had made it to the library to pick up a movie they had on hold for me, they had 2 movies on hold for me. It was a beautiful August summer afternoon. Temperatures in the upper 80s. Not too hot.

The young woman was enviably attractive. I heard noise... wailing coming from a young child. Just past the young woman was a small child... A tow-headed boy who looked too young and too frail to be walking. I smiled, thinking of Matthew when I saw him. He was too thin for his age. But his spindly little legs were carrying him forward with a DVD clutched in each hand. Beyond him, I heard the noisemaker. Dressed in all blue, his blond hair cut in summer crew style, was a young boy, probably 4 years old. Over and over he cried out, "Don't do that to me"..."DON'T do that to me..." He was trying to hang on to several books as he hurried toward his mother and the library. "Don't DO that to me..." I heard his mother, now moving on behind me saying, "Then maybe next time you will listen to me." "Don't do that to me..." The boy's words rang in my ears as I got in my car. Six hours later, those words have embedded themselves in my brain.

At that young age, that young child was able to communicate - Don't do THAT to me. Don't do that to ME. His mother had done something that caused fear in him.

I wanted to sit the mother down, and tell her... don't teach your child a lesson in that manner. Don't invoke fear to get desired results. Oh, the times I would love to call back in regards to my children. As young parents you work so hard to produce the ideal children. You want others to be impressed by your children and how they act, speak, behave, succeed. You don't want your children to end up as delinquents, heaven forbid. And your children end up being victims, instead of objects of love and acceptance.

I assume that little boy was not listening when he and his mother and brother got out of the car. I think when Mom moved forward, he wasn't paying attention, and she went off and left him behind. The boy wasn't hurt. He was not at risk of getting hit or abandoned. He was tanned, well dressed, obviously well cared for. But he couldn't see all of that with his 4 yr old mind. He only knew that his mother was moving away from him. And so the soulful cry, "Don't do that to me." The words have left a haunting ring in my ears. How was he able to articulate what he had already learned in life? May he stay mindful of boundaries, and what is acceptable and what is not, and how to communicate that to others.

Don't do that to me.

Landry and me

2007-12-17T03:43:00.000-06:00

Landry - the 11 yr old granddaughter - came over and spent the night Friday and then most of the day on Saturday. "The weather outside was frightful!" Grey and cold and windy and rainy as the winter storm moving across the country hit our area. We made cookies and watched Hallmark movies curled up on the sofa all day. What a great day of rest and relaxation in this time of rush and busyness!

The lights are on, but you aren't there...

2007-12-17T03:36:00.000-06:00

I went by there Friday night. The lights were on. Lights were on everywhere. On the fence, on the porches, trees inside, trees outside... She wouldn't have liked it. It wasn't "her". It suits the new lady. The look was inviting and warm, but she wasn't there. A moment in the busy rush where I unexpectedly missed her. Time out of the hubbub to just... remember. I love you, Mom.

Just DO it! and I am not sorry

2007-09-03T19:53:00.000-05:00

Been saying I needed to write. Been saying I wanted to write. I am here. Now. Just do it! (I need to be much more spontaneous at times.)

I had a birthday last week. There are perks to getting older. You know what you like, and you know what you don't like. And you know that you don't have to do what you don't want to do!

Case in point. I went to a football game with my husband Saturday night. Courtesy of my son who was out-of-town. I hate football. (Sorry, Matthew - Good thing he doesn't know about this blog.) I have never been able to keep up with the ball with all of those men on top of it. I have thought I should learn to like it to "share" something with my husband, son, daughter, and the general public. Even my daughter can talk the lingo and seems to not just KNOW the game, but LIKE the game.

It was warm outside. No, for 6 pm... it was HOT. The crowd was packed in around us. The stand seats are so close together, and you have people stepping on your toes, and the man behind me had his knees in my back the whole time. Well, not the whole time. When the zillion kids around us kept going in and out, and in and out, he was having to jump up and down and up and down.

I made it to halftime. "Our" team was comfortably ahead. I wanted something to drink (my 2nd), but the drinks, including water, are so blamed expensive there. And so, I did the only thing I could.

I left and walked to the shopping center not far from the stadium. I first went to Starbucks and used a gift card to get me a Raspberry Mocha Frappacino. I had a magazine in my purse (always prepared!) and sat and leafed through it, until I had cooled down, and the drink was gone.

Then I walked down to Borders. I had a gift card from there also, but didn't find anything. I actually wasn't even looking really hard. I was more interested in people watching. This bookstore in downtown Nashville and has a different ambiance than the ones close to where I live.

I noted 3 sets of people. One was a man. A black man in painter's clothing. He was in the music area, with headphones on over the bandanna on his head. Eyes closed, he was smiling and swaying to the music. Whether he had had a good day or a bad day, whether life was going good or bad for him, he was there, in Borders, at 8:30 pm CST, enjoying a short respite from life, and happy.

Then there was the couple who were looking at the DVDs of plays. I heard one comment that he had seen "Host" at the local Belcourt theater. His middle-aged, same sex partner, said perhaps they could go see it together sometime.

And then there was the middle-aged couple who preceded me into the store. A woman in a wheelchair, with a cute shaggy dog on a leash, accompanied by a gentleman... blind, I discovered. The man listened to her verbal instructions as to where the doors were, and that I was standing behind them. I talked to him as I passed through behind the wheelchair, so that he would know when to move on through the door. I came upon this couple several times in different areas of the store. First, they went to the Bestseller section, and she told him about the books, reading some of the flaps on the books they were not familiar with. Her voice was interrupted from time to time, as he bent and kissed her right on! Later, I saw them upstairs in the audiobook section.

The point is, this bookstore was a haven for several of us. An enjoyable time away from the rest of the world. All kinds of people, all ages and stages, finding fulfillment in something they like. A short distance away was a football stadium filled with people, all ages and stages, finding fulfillment in something they like.

And so, I have been to my 1 college (Vandy) football game for the season. I'm thinking that I might go to 1 Titans game, and then 1 Vandy men's basketball game, and 1 Vandy women's basketball game, and I am done for the season!

I Am On Vacation!

2007-06-10T23:14:00.000-05:00

Awwww the views are great. The scenery inspiring. Where am I, you may ask? The beach? The mountains? Ah no... I am at home. But for 3 long (?) days, I am on vacation.

You see... it has not been a very good year financially. The outlook for taking any trips anytime soon is bleak. And so I declared this long weekend as one of many mini-vacations to come this year.

I left work behind at 6 pm on Friday. Can't even remember what I did 2 nights ago. Then Saturday, Luke, the 5 yr old grandson, came over and we played games, and watched a, no part of a, movie - Lady and the Tramp, checked out the scooter and helmet his mom had just bought him (Cool, Luke! And don't forget you can coast for 21,000 - that's 21 seconds!) and then went to see the movie SURF'S UP, rated PG. Why is it that they take a perfectly good G-rated movie and put in a few crude words and behavior to match, so that it comes out as PG-rated? Fortunately, Luke missed the crudity. (Is that a word?! You get my point.)

I met Bob at the mall where I bought long overdue makeup at Dillard's (a relief to all of those around me I am sure), and then went to Lenscrafters to get my glasses adjusted. Nice people, and it is nice walking in there and them knowing who I am. Thank you, thank you.

Next on the vacation trail, Bob and I went to Saltgrass - the new restaurant that opened in the old Joe's Crab Shack site - for their "early bird" or "late lunch" specials. Good stuff and being new to us and all, it did feel like we were out-of-town somewhere. Home to crash for awhile. I read. Finished the book "90 Minutes in Heaven". Wow! ya gotta read it. Aside from the Bible, the most awesome book about facing death and eternity. I am now looking forward to perfect vision and most beautiful, awesome music when I die and go to heaven. Don Piper (the author) said the noise was like the swooshing of angels' wings. I LOVE that phrase. "Swooshing" and "angels' wings". Music speaks to me here a song at a time. I can't wait until I get to heaven and hear like 100 praise songs going at once, and I can hear them all clearly, and if I open my mouth to sing, knowing that I will have perfect pitch! Wow! Good stuff.

Okay, then (are you tired of this travel journal yet?!) we got in the convertible and went out for a drive. 9:20 pm... perfect summer evening, except we are in the No Moon cycle. Now, since the price of gas is what it is, we can't just go out driving around. There has to be a purpose. So, we took my book back to the Book Drop at the Brentwood Library, and then took the movies I had picked out for Luke to the church drop-off box. THEN we went to Dunkin' Donuts and closed them out as their last customers of the day by getting hot cups of coffee. (Kinda cool with the top down on the car.) That pretty much finishes off Saturday.

We got up at 6 am this morning. Some of you may think that is rather early, especially since we are on vacation. However, Bob was awakened with leg cramps, and I was already slightly conscious with the cat scratching wanting out of his "bedroom" area. So 6 am it is. Going to the back of the house with all the windows overlooking the back yard, I see a black cat sitting outside the gazebo, while "Samantha" the cat from next door, is curled up at the base of my chaise lounge on the inside of the gazebo. So the 3 of us inside sit and watch that for 2 1/2 hours. (Springfield, Bob and I) I know... You probably think that is really pathetic... Up early on a Sunday morning sitting watching cats outside, while they watch us back. But it was really rather soothing... Watched the morning news and had a cup of coffee through it all. Neither Bob or I had responsibilities at the church so we played "hooky". It was nice not having anywhere we HAD to be at a certain time. Ahhh just what vacation is good for.

We did make brunch at Martha's at the Plantation. I splurged on my most favorite dessert in the whole wide world ever. A warm piece of fudge pie, covered with peppermint ice cream, chocolate sprinkles and REAL whipped cream. Sin doesn't get any better than that.

Home again, home again. We were worn out from the early start to our day (!*!), so we took 2- 1/2 -hour Sunday afternoon naps. I awoke and started working on laundry, and going through clothes in my bedroom, putting some away for the season, putting some in the "cleaners" pile, and the others in the "Goodwill" pile.

Enough work. Back to fun. Bob and I went walking! with the motivation of stopping by to see some friends and their baby girl, born last year on MY birthday!, who live across from our neighborhood. Perfect timing. We ran into them out in their front yard. Lexi Kate is just precious and looks SO much like her mama. This little family is such a sweet little family. Makes you feel good about the good things in life and making good choices!

I managed to get Bob to keep walking for a spell when LK had to go in for her evening bottle and bath. We saw a hot air balloon passing over! Back to the house and back in the convertible for our nightly trip, this time to the newest Sonic down the street. I had a coupon for BUY A BURGER, GET ONE FREE that was burning a hole in my billfold.

Back home and was going to do some housework, yes even on vacation, but was distracted by a new (or not previously seen by me) episode of LAW AND ORDER. It was a GOOD one! I did do laundry during the commercials. And now, I am finishing this night of vacation off by writing! It's nice knowing I still have 1 more day of vacation left. Bob has to work half a day, and I plan to read or study or write at a coffee shop. Ooh, la la... It's just been a really good mental break for me by taking this mini-vacation.

Gotta go now... My Yoga CD is calling!

Gas

2007-05-17T20:10:00.000-05:00

Gas went over $3/gallon today.

May 17, 2007. Terri and Dan's 32nd anniversary. Wonder what the price of gas was 32 years ago? At least we didn't have tornadic storms today.

When I went to work this morning, the BP on the corner had regular gas for $2.96, which was up from yesterday. When I came home this evening, the price of gas there was $3.05. Up 9 cents in one day. I should hope that it doesn't do that every day.

Will I tell my great grandkids about "when gas was..."?

It scares me. It scares me bad. You need gas in your car to go anywhere. To do anything and everything. I went to buy milk, and the price had gone up 30 cents/gallon since last week. My heart beats faster.

We can't continue this trend. We as in Americans. We as in what used to be the middle class which is now rapidly becoming lower class. My parents and grandparents used to always say (when Republicans are in office), "the rich get richer, and the poor get poorer."

I REALLY think that I should write more positive, uplifting blogs.

But consider this a journal entry... 5/17/07... price of gas hits $3/gallon.

Life Changes Our Lives In An Instant

2007-03-30T23:40:00.000-05:00

A week ago, Bob had a mini-stroke... Life may never be the same...

Two days ago, an 18 yr old girl was killed in a car wreck on I-65 North around the Armory Place exit. Her boyfriend was driving. She was sitting in the back behind him, without her seatbelt on. It was raining. The vehicle hydroplaned, throwing the vehicle around and crashing it against the concrete wall. She was the only one in the car who was killed. This girl was saved when she was 10. She was a member of my church. Her dad is my age. She is the same age of my twin nephews. And a little older than one of my granddaughters. Her older brother came by the church that day. Three hours later, his life changed. Kristin was a senior at Brentwood High. She was talking Junior/Senior Prom. She was talking college. This beautiful girl's life came to a sudden end. She had no idea. Her parents had no idea. None of us knew that on Sunday we would be having her funeral at the church. This was my number one fear when my kids were growing up. I feared them being in a wreck and killed at an early age. It didn't happen to me. It happened to David and Sherie. How do they go on? At this moment, I can't think of anything sadder in the whole world. You have a child, you get them to the point of high school graduation and college, and starting life outside... in the world...and the dreams... the dreams come to a sudden stop. With reminders all around, how do you keep going?

This has to be a God thing. This has to be the time when you need faith like you've never needed it before. Sherie couldn't think as she tried to plan her daughter's funeral. What came to her first, was music... Music she remembered from choir. The men's quartet singing GENTLE SHEPHERD and Dennis singing I CAN ONLY IMAGINE. Music... Music is a great way to praise God. Music is a great way to worship. Music can comfort the soul. Music can bring peace. When Rod sings on Sunday, he will sing as a first time dad to a beautiful baby girl 2 mo. old. He will want to hold her a little closer. He will want to protect her. If only we could do that for our children for always...

I won't be there. But I will be thinking of them. I will be praying. I will pray for Kristin's parents and her brothers, and her friends who will be there in shock. They won't understand.

I don't understand.

I'm My Grandmother

2007-02-25T22:45:00.000-06:00

I have been sick for over a month now. In the past week, I have finally begun to feel better.
I think the fact that we had 3 days of sun and hints of spring attribute to my feeling better.
I still have this occasional sneezing and coughing I do though. I was in the middle of a department store the other day when I had a sneezing attack. Minutes later, I wasn't sneezing, but I could feel my nose running. I pulled a kleenex out of my purse. As I started to wipe my nose, I caught a glimpse of myself in a mirror. There was a bubble of water there on my left nostril. No... it was not snot... and it was not a bugger. It was just water - sinus drainage maybe. But it brought back memories. Memories of Mam-ma with her nose "dripping" she called it, and pulling a kleenex from her bosom to wipe her nose. I always thought that kind of odd, and something that must happen to women when they got "old". THAT would never happen to me. But... here I am. I haven't gotten to the keeping kleenex down my blouse part yet though. Sorry, Mam-ma.

Miss Me, But Let Me Go

2007-02-25T22:34:00.000-06:00

I seem to write on the saddest of occasions and the happiest of things...

Two weeks ago, Bob and I had 3 people in our lives who died in 3 days' time. The first was a friend's dad who tried to outrun a train - he didn't make it. The third one was Bob's aunt who lived in NC and was 2 years younger than Bob! She was Bob's dad's youngest sister. The following was read at both of their funerals. I had never heard it before, but when you hear of something like this on 2 occasions in 3 days' time, you tend to pay attention.

"When I come to the end of the road, and the sun has set for me,
I want no rites in a gloom-filled room. Why cry for a soul set free?
Miss me a little - but not too long, and not with your head bowed low.
Remember the love that we shared. Miss me, but let me go.

For this is a journey we all must take and each must go alone.
It is all a part of the Master's plan, a step on the road to home.
When you are lonely and sick of heart, go to the friends you know.
Bear your sorrow in good deeds. Miss me, but let me go."

I would give the credits due, but none were given on either occasion.

I liked this poetry. For those of you who should, take note.

Words of Wisdom

2007-02-16T22:36:00.000-06:00

Statement from Oprah and guest:

"Mediocrity always attacks excellence."

True...

Word of the Week

2007-02-10T21:41:00.000-06:00

Tolerance -
a fair, objective, and permissive attitude toward opinions and practices that differ from one's own.

Anna Nicole Smith

2007-02-10T21:15:00.000-06:00

I am wondering...why? am I wasting time and energy on here writing about Anna Nicole Smith? I guess because her sudden death and seeing the hours of media coverage of her life are so sad. What a waste.

In one clip she talks about how as a girl she passed a bar that had a neon sign blinking in front of it. It was the figure of a woman, topless, alternating sensual poses. ANS told herself at that time that that was what she wanted to be when she grew up!*! WHY would anyone want to be that when they grew up? Where were her goals? REAL goals? Worthy goals? Where was her sense of right and wrong? I don't think you can excuse this on low self-esteem or no respect for herself. This will come across judgmental I am sure. I think it's just really what she wanted. While they say that she was smarter than she appeared to be, I am saying that that is not saying much. I don't think she was bright at all. And I think she made her choices solely on wanting attention for herself. She married an old man. She became rich. She had a baby and had no idea who the father was. And the men keep popping up even after her death volleying for the role.

I guess I think that in the United States of America, we all have the privileges of getting some education - that would include from books, from church, from life experiences - and that we learn from it all. And at some point you learn to stand on your own 2 feet and take on responsibility for your life and your choices.

There is a precious baby girl somewhere out there - Bahamas last I heard - who would make some barren couple hysterically happy to have her in their lives. As it is, this poor child has little chance for growing up in an environment different than that of her mother's.

I am saddened when I realize what a sick world we live in. Sometimes these outside events burst in on my private little world, and I realize just how bad it is out there. My heart is heavy when I think about what God must think about His world and His creation. And when I think that all of us in America know about God and that the good old USA is not a mission field, I realize that I am so wrong. You don't have to go to Thailand or South Africa or Moldova... you have people who need the Lord right here.

A Keeper Quote

2007-02-10T21:12:00.000-06:00

Artist: Friedrich, Caspar David
Wanderer Above the Sea of Fog
c. 1818
Oil on canvas Kunsthalle, Hamburg
This quote is from him:
"The painter should paint not only what he has in front of him, but also what he sees inside himself. If he sees nothing within, then he should stop painting what is in front of him."

Likewise,
"The pianist should play not only what she has in front of her, but also what she sees inside herself. If she sees nothing within, then she should stop playing what is in front of her."

I'm Back...

2007-02-10T21:05:00.000-06:00

I haven't written on here for a month. (Like duh... you couldn't figure that out for yourself!) I have been sick for 19 days. I am tired of not feeling good. Right now I feel good enough to go to work, etc, but NO energy left over for anything else. And, I am SO tired of this cold weather. I hate cold weather. The older I get, the worse it gets. I want at least 70 degree days and 50 at night for the coldest temps. I watched the Pro Bowl this evening. Nay... correction. I watched the scenery of Honolulu this evening... Seeing the bright sun, exotic surroundings, and big blue sky with puffy clouds... I felt better. Ah...to be there.

Loving

2007-01-08T00:36:00.000-06:00

Bob and I acquired a cat about 3 1/2 months ago. Neither of us had ever had a cat. I grew up with having dogs around. Bob never had any pets. We still shake our heads and wonder how we got to this place.

I remember hearing my mom especially talk about "those d!*! cats" people around us might have. And I remember my parents and grandparents didn't like cats leaning in on their ankles and meowing when we were around them. Now I love that!

I can remember when Bob first brought this cat home, Springfield had tar matted on some of his fur and in his ears, and he had big ears compared to the rest of his body. I felt bad for this little ball of fur that appeared to be scared to death, but I had no sudden love for this cat.

We have had moments where we would have gotten rid of Springfield in a heartbeat. He has zoomed around knocking things over like a wild cat. He has crashed lamps to the floor. He has rearranged Bob's village pieces in the bookcase. That is a No-No! He has knocked the planter over scattering dirt all over the new carpet.

But somewhere along the line, we have grown to love this cat. He is funny and sweet and loving and smart and also mean as can be sometimes. He has scratched me repeatedly until I bleed, I suspect I am allergic to him as I sneeze like crazy in the mornings and at night, I have had to learn to clean his poop out of his litter box, and yet, I love this cat. Bob and I look forward to coming home and seeing Springfield. Bob is less patient than I am with him, but they also have great bonding sessions, where Springfield lies on Bob's chest and lets Bob rub him down until they both fall asleep. Springfield and I usually share the early morning shift. He cries like a baby about 6 every morning and scratches on the bathroom door until I go get him out. He then jumps up on my lap and eats from my hands. While he's never slept in my arms, he will sleep at my feet when I take a nap.

Springfield has added a new dimension to the relationship between Bob and me. He is something we share. In loving him, we love each other more. Springfield has only been to the vet once so far. Bob and I took him together. I don't know how I would have done it alone. It was nice having Bob there as our "child" was examined.

It's kinda like being a mother to a baby or young child again. We enjoy watching Springfield sleep, and eat, and play on his own and play "peep-pie" with us. He responds when I call him "my kitty" in my kitty voice (which Bob HATES).

Animals aren't so different from people after all. Creatures of all kinds flourish when they are loved.

Sharing

2007-01-08T00:26:00.000-06:00

Weekend is over... the first full work week in awhile about to begin.

Luke came to spend the night this weekend. As I met his mom in the parking lot of a local market to pick Luke up, he tumbled out of the van talking excitedly all the way. I started loading his bags in the car, and he said, "Gran! Gran!" In the dim lights of the parking lot, I looked down at his 5-yr-old stance, to see him holding out a small teddy bear. He said, "It's for Carson!" "Carson?" I mumbled to myself and looked up at his mom for explanation. As she began, it hit me what Luke was trying to say. "Carter?" I asked, and Luke nodded. Carter is my 6 month old great-nephew on my husband's side of the family.

I don't know if Luke was remembering seeing the pictures of Carter at Christmas, or if his mom, Michelle, had done some talking with him about sharing toys or something. But it was a Kodak memory moment for me looking down into Luke's smiling, excited face.

P.S. Later that night at my house, when Luke "played" the teddy bear audio for me, the cat was intrigued with this ball of voice. Luke giggled, but reminded Springfield that the bear was for Carter.

It's 2007

2007-01-01T00:46:00.000-06:00

Time - the early hours of 2007. I decided to start the year blogging. Bob is asleep. The cat is asleep. It is still and quiet.

It's been a quiet evening at home. Bob and I went to Goodwill and Eckerds and then storage to put up Christmas items after watching the Titans lose their game. We ate dinner at Cracker Barrel, drove around the McKays Mills area awhile, and got home relatively early, even though the real time - 6 pm - felt like 8 pm.

I wonder if the way I spent the evening is indicative of the way 2007 will go. Hopefully I just closed out 2006. As Bob got out of the car at the house, he apparently stepped in dog poop. That fact was discovered after he walked into the bedroom, hall, living room, and finally kitchen, where I pointed out the "piles" he was leaving. (And need I say that I reminded him of how I always tell him to take his shoes off when he comes in from outside?!?!) I then spent the evening in my pajamas cleaning the carpet, moving the big fan around so the carpet would dry faster, and vacuuming. The cat did not know WHAT to do or where to go. And Bob being the helper he is at these times, was on the sofa in the sunroom, watching the football game! He fell asleep, waking in time to say "Happy New Year" and then going to bed in the bedroom. I celebrated by pouring me a glass of white zin, and ... here I am.

As the countdown of the last minute of 2006 began on Channel 4 (couldn't handle trying to watch Dick Clark this year), I found myself excited, and yet I wanted to cry all at the same time!?! I wasn't sorry to see 2006 go...but I am not sure I am glad to see 2007 come. I find the beginning of a brand new year kind of exciting, but it also makes me a little nervous worrying what bad things might happen. (I still think I would like to know these things ahead of time. I could prepare myself. Couldn't I? I'd like to at least know if it is going to be a good year or a bad year.) It will hold the closing of some familial chapters of life and open some new ones. Two nephews graduating from high school and starting college, and one nephew getting married.

I feel old tonight. But it is okay. I remember past New Year's Eves when we went out to celebrate. And even if we were home, we were more energetic. Every year now, it gets a little quieter, and less important to see the new year in.

A friend of mine emailed me the following from a devotional reading for the day. I liked it and will close with it:
Even to your old age, I am He, and even to gray hairs I will carry you! I have made and I will bear; even I will carry and will deliver you. (Psalm 46:4)
Thus far the LORD has helped us. (1 Samuel 7:12)

It's Fall and Catapulting Us Into Winter; It Was Michele, and now it is Olivia

2006-10-23T00:25:00.000-05:00

It's early Monday morning... just after midnight. I fell asleep earlier this evening on the sofa watching "Brothers and Sisters" and now I am wide awake!

Today started out sunny and then started clouding up and got colder all day long. It's supposed to go down in the 30s tonight. I am not ready or happy about winter coming. The season can come ahead, but I am staying in the fall of my life, thank you.

The leaves are changing but still not to their peak here. I took my niece to see "Strawberry Shortcake" Sunday afternoon. She turned 5 this past week. I had taken her brothers out at earlier ages to celebrate their birthdays, but this was a FIRST for us. Olivia had a short time of separation anxiety from her mom, but recovered by the end of her driveway. We spent the time going to the movie theater playing "I see (red, yellow, green, brown) leaves." She is a smart little girl and took right to the game.

I played this same game with my daughter when she was 5. She just had her 30th birthday! I always loved this time of year for her birthday, with the leaves changing and falling. And so I remember playing the I SPY different colors of leaves with her 25 years ago, just as I played with Olivia today.

As I said earlier, O and I went to see the animated Kidstoon movie "Strawberry Shortcake". Michele (daughter) LOVED Strawberry Shortcake when she was little. There were no movies of her back then though. The movie today lasted an hour and a half, and the animation was well done. Olivia was the perfect little moviegoer, sitting quietly the whole time watching and stealing smiling glances at me occasionally.

My brother and his family live just a few miles from me. Because we were born "almost a score" apart, his children are quite a bit younger than mine. I kept thinking today what a shame that my niece and I are just now getting around to this, and how I only have vague ideas about what she and her brothers like. It's not that I don't care. It's just that time has thrown us into different life cycles and schedules.

Time goes by too fast. Today brought back many memories of spending time with my daughter 25 years ago. Yes I said it again. 25 YEARS ago. THAT is an eerie feeling when you remember things that long ago, and ironic that some things never change. Kids still play the same games, characters and styles go and come back... only the people participating in the memories change...

Don't forget, Olivia...you said I could go to Florida with you next time!

It's Almost Been a Month?!*!

2006-10-06T23:34:00.000-05:00

Yep... almost been a month since I blogged... That's part of my problem. Time... Not enough of it, and what there is just races by... I have time, I have no money. Have no time, have money. Well, make that, SOME money.

I haven't been feeling well, that's physically, and then I have been mentally bogged down because life is passing me by. Just speeding right along. I go to work, I come home, eat dinner and crash, and then start all over again. Day after day after day. Is that all there is?

It's my 2nd favorite time of year, and I am missing it. I LOVE the end of August and going into September and then October. But I'm missing the feel and the sight of these fall harvest type days. I go into the building to work, my office has no windows, and POOF! I don't find out until 8 hours later what the weather is doing outside. Good or bad... I've missed it. I haven't seen the grandchildren in 3 weeks... I haven't seen my brother and his family in 6 weeks. My great-niece turned a year old today, somewhere along the line changed from baby to little girl, and I missed it.

It is Friday night, and even though I worked 11 hours today, and have to work 7+ tomorrow, I have energy tonight. Bob and the cat are asleep. Now it's the computer and me.

I did have a revelation today. It has caused me to feel more at peace again.
I must confess. The job I have loved for a year and a half, has been getting on my nerves. Not the job per se, but working in general, and the job not making me feel any better about it. I mean... give me the choice... I would be sitting on the deck of a chalet in the Smoky Mountains, reading, writing, sleeping...OR... I would be sitting on the balcony of an oceanfront condo, or in a chaise lounge on the beach with a book in one hand and one of those cute little drinks in the other if I had the choice. Then there's always Hawaii. I may never get back there, but how many other people can say that they have been to Hawaii 5 times? So, if I had the choice, I would travel, or sit and read, or spend my time in a coffeehouse. But I don't have that option.

And so I work, and sometimes that means getting up in the morning, getting there, working for long hours, and coming home at night, falling asleep on the sofa, getting up the next morning, and starting the cycle all over again, while I miss beautiful days, and fun times, and moments of leisure and people I love. And then, there are days like today.

I work at a job that has "heart". I work with men and women who have a heart for people. I work with people who have to be flexible, because life happens. I work with people who work to make the good times better, and the hard times easier. And I work with people in the same building who work with the business aspects, the accounting side, and they don't have heart. They have totally missed what it is all about. Even as the rest of us do what we have to do this moment, this day, this week that we did not plan on doing 3 days ago, we do what has to be done. These other people don't budge. They are so routinized that they can't or won't change. My boss today reminded one of that fact. A very special man died. While several of us did not really know the man, we know what the man stood for, and where we are today is the result of his efforts. History has been made in the life of our institution. The atmosphere at work has been different for 3 days. You can feel it. There is a sadness, a heaviness in the air. While the man has died to this life, he has gained the promised ever GREATER ONE. But those left behind will miss him. Yet the accounting processes go on...nonreflective of what has happened. I have worked in accounting positions over the past 25 years. I got in trouble a couple of times... once for not working harder to produce "better" numbers, and once for crying out when houseparents didn't get their pay, but the VP did to have his car washed 2-3 times a week. Accounting has no heart. As much as I love math, stats have no heart. What is, is.

I work at a job where having heart is okay. Again I find myself, "content in the state I am".

People Watching

2006-09-12T22:56:00.000-05:00

Okay...I have heard that one way to find things to blog about is to watch people.
I don't have time to watch people. Then again, maybe I do...Make the most of waiting. So I tried it the other day at the library while I was lined up behind 6 other people at the Franklin/Williamson County Public Library. (They have not figured out the value of having more than one clerk available.)

Here goes...Man comes in accompanied by a woman. Man is dressed casually. Is
probably in his late 40s...Medium height, medium build. Salt and pepper curly hair. Glasses. Khaki slacks, navy short-sleeved pullover shirt, no socks, loafers. The woman with him is his mother, I decide. She toddles by his side, scooting her white nurse-looking-rubber-soled-shoes across the floor. He takes her to the front section of fiction. I know that section. It is LARGE PRINT! The man stands back, leaning on the corner of a counter. He stands quietly and looks about as his mother starts at the A's and goes shelf by shelf looking for books of her choice. She is short and has to stand on tip-toe to reach the 2nd from the top shelf. Forget the top one. And she stands close. I realize that she can't see well. She can't see well, but she can't give up reading. And I can surmise that reading means too much to her to give it up. She goes to LARGE PRINT, but she doesn't give reading up
totally. Man stands back, and isn't offering any help. I get frustrated with him until I realize...he is not oblivious of his mother. He is giving her independence as much as he can at this stage. He crosses one leg over the other as he shifts feet while waiting, but he does not do so impatiently. He has given up time on a Sunday afternoon, to take his mother somewhere she will enjoy. He doesn't run the errand by himself for her. He takes her with him. He gives her freedom, he gives her joy, he gives her his time and his love.

Birthdays

2006-09-12T22:39:00.000-05:00

It has been a LONG time since I have blogged. I have needed to...would have helped me out, but my schedule and subsequently, my energy levels, just haven't allowed it.

Had my birthday. Only time my age will match the year I was born in this century. I came to a conclusion. Only parents can make your birthday a major event in history. Or grandparents. And oh, maybe siblings old enough to remember the day. I miss those stories my grandmother and mother told about the day I was born. You know... how Mom was in labor for 3 days because of me. And how my dad was sent out to prepare my grandmother for the first sight of me - "she has a warped head". I never really appreciated those stories when those ladies were around. But now that they aren't, and the old stories have become just that, ... it's rather quiet and sad. No one left in my life to commemorate what it was like the day I was born. No parents, no grandparents, no great aunts... Well, there is one aunt left, but her aging has left her silent. It makes me feel very old...

Oh, add one more to the list!

2006-09-12T22:34:00.000-05:00

I need to add one more car to my wishlist... It would be #4, so it ain't happenin' anytime soon.

Passed the Volkswagen place on Baker's Bridge. They have this cool looking pale blue SUV sitting out on the curb... It's called a Tunga or something like that. I hear they are pricy, but so, what's new... Add it to the list anyway...

Cars

2006-08-24T23:40:00.000-05:00

I have never been a car person. I like a nice dependable car to get around in. I like to like my car. But that's it. However, all of a sudden, I find myself wishing I had $60K or so, and I would trade in the 2 cars we have, and buy the following 3 cars.
1. Chrysler 300 - Oyster White
2. Chrysler Pacifica - Gold - 6seater as we took to Marco Island
and last but not least
3. Lime green Volkswagen convertible "bug"... black top...

I do LOVE having my convertible. It doesn't drive as smoothly as the Caddy did. But there is nothing like it on these summer evenings. Leave work, put the top down, and drive away home under the starry sky. Forget your troubles quickly... Destress mile by mile...

Bob doesn't want to read my blog...

2006-08-11T11:12:00.000-05:00

He doesn't even want to look at it!*! And it even has Carter's picture on it! He says it's "of the devil". (Why does THAT sound familiar?) Why is it that what we don't know about, what we fear, what we don't like, we don't want to face? I LOVE to write... I used to only like writing by hand, but now it's like I can't even think to write that way. I compose on computer. Writing is like breathing for me. A great stress-reliever too. Is Bob jealous of the time I spend away from him and spend in writing? You can't take it away from me. It is part of me.

Ta-Dah! The 2006 Williamson County Fair

2006-08-11T10:38:00.000-05:00

Bob and I went to the fair last night. The sky was overcast, threatening rain, but that made it cooler, so we decided to go. (And we did NOT want to go Friday night or Saturday.)

Bob managed to get an ear of roasted corn and I got a funnel cake in time to go flying into the amphitheater to escape the falling rain. It was Grand Ol' Opry night. LOUD is the best thing I could say about that. Plus it was SO hot in there.

Rain lets up... We walk out and about... Bob wants to see the animals. I hate the animals. Okay, sorry, God... I don't hate the animals, but they stink. There is nothing more disgusting to me than to see the animals with all their body parts hanging out for all to see, and smelling them in such a hot, closed-in place, where you are walking shoulder to shoulder with people, and moms are running strollers of screaming kids into all kinds of things, including my heels! My Granddaddy would be disappointed in me. He loved his land, and his cows. But he was raised in the country, and I am a city girl. I will have to say that the baby goats were real cute. And we saw some man shear a sheep. A young teenaged girl narrated the process. They say that shearing a sheep doesn't hurt (how would they know?!). Did you know though that you have to keep the sheep on his back while shearing, because if it gets even 1 paw down on the ground, he can stand up (and run off)? I will have to say, that I did admire God's creation when I got to the roosters. You know what a rooster looks like. Well maybe you do, and maybe you don't, because there were all colors-red, white, brown, black-even leopard-skin-like, and sizes-big and small, and some that had puffy feet, and some with plumes on their head, and on and on... Only our God could create them so different and so unique.

You know on GREEN ACRES they say "Keep Manhattan and give me that countryside"? Well Lynda says, "Keep the country and take me ocean-side!"

The Newest Terrorist Plot

2006-08-11T10:29:00.000-05:00

There have been 23 people at this time arrested in the latest Al Queda terrorist plot... Involves Muslims and British Muslims, and Pakistanis. (Pakistan used to be a British colony!) British police doing their jobs discovered plan to take down 9 planes from London to US (New York) - United, American and Continental - men were to take liquid combustibles on the plane disguised in water, coffee, baby formula, even gels such as toothpaste, hair gel...and blow the planes up by mixing with ??? while in flight. Planes are good environments to blow things up the experts say!! "They say" they were planning for this to happen before the anniversary date of 9/11/2001.

Life changed on that eventful day, and I now believe that life will never be the same...

Luke is 4 1/2

2006-08-10T13:13:00.000-05:00

Went with Gran to see BARNYARD last Saturday.
He was spellbound...
Important tidbit to remember for this age and stage:
Luke has learned how to pinky-swear.
Big sister Landry taught him how.

Monday's Musings

2006-08-07T22:21:00.000-05:00

1. It was a convertible night. 92 degrees at 7 pm...but cool enough with the top down! Beautiful sunset to my right coming home, and a big white puffy cloud up ahead to the left.

2. Have I mentioned my current celebrity hunks? I think it is important for every woman to have at least a couple of these at all times. One is Anderson Cooper (CNN-360-Gloria Vanderbilt's son) and the other one is Jack (Anthony ???) on Without A Trace. Not only is he nice to look at, but he has a GREAT voice.

Over and out with these important revelations.

My Big Mouth

2006-08-06T20:46:00.000-05:00

Okay... there's this female person at church. I work with her, kind of...from a distance...AND she is in my SS class... For whatever reason, we didn't get off to a good start, and months later, it is only minutely better. I seem to stick my foot in my mouth every time we are together. She is beautiful...absolutely beautiful... Young (30?), long dark hair, tanned skin... like I would love to look. It's not her looks that put me off, although sometimes that happens to me. I wondered this morning, if I should just say, did you know that you are beautiful?? But I figured she would think I was even dumber than she already does! She tried to help me out once by email, only to find that I wasn't the Linda who needed help. I don't think I responded very well. (Why not?!) She is SO quiet. At our SS party, she sat at another table. Was that to get away from me? And then this morning, she helped me out with something, and along the way in the SS lesson, I then stuck my foot in my mouth...not once, but twice! What is WRONG with me? I wanted to say, could we like, start all over again? I really like you...I don't know what the problem is... Instead, I just hurry on out of the room, down the hallway, and hope that God takes my mouth over the next time...

Joys in Life

2006-08-06T20:18:00.000-05:00

You know they say that money can't buy everything. That's true, but I would also say that you have to have ENOUGH money to live.

The older I get, the more I find joys in life. They have nothing to do with money or success or climbing a corporate ladder. I think it has to do with the fact that my big goals have been reached. I have a husband, I have children, I have a college degree, and I have a job I love. At this moment in time, I have my health...at least most of it! :) I don't feel a rush to achieve. I find myself content in the state I am in. (Not to say that I won't go back to school at some point to get that Master's degree...!*!)

I love this time of year... I don't know if it is because my birthday is at the end of August, or because school is about to start, and I always loved school, or because fall is near, and my grandmother used to take me to get new clothes every year for my birthday/school...and I have many happy memories of those days. As I write, my husband is watching a football game LIVE on TV! While it is a little hotter and more humid than I like outside, I still love it. And there is about half a moon in the sky playing peek-a-boo in the clouds. The moon this time of year is beginning to take on the "harvest" glow, rather than the crisp white color.

Ten years ago, I would have said that the best thing in life is to wake up in the middle of the night, and find a husband you love and who loves you, there beside you. Now that he snores, okay...now that we BOTH snore, sometimes that is not always a good thing!

And so, the whole point of this blog...it just doesn't get any better than having your 4 1/2 yr old grandson come running when he sees you. Luke has done that for awhile now. At least a couple of years. It happened again yesterday. I went to watch his older sister play a soccer game. As I got to the fields, I saw Luke and his mom coming down the path from the bathrooms! Luke caught sight of me, started waving wildly, and ran as fast as his little legs would carry him toward me...even stopping along the way to take his sandals off so he could run faster. I admit I have to brace myself, because as he comes close, he jumps up in my arms... My middle-aged back, and my carpal tunnel surgically-fixed wrists don't want to support the sudden extra weight, but I wouldn't trade those short moments in time for ANYTHING in the world. I don't remember his sisters doing that at that age. It's a uniquely Luke thing, I think. A special bond between us...Treasured memories...precious times...I hope my mind stays intact so that I can recall these moments, when I need special pick-me-ups in my old age...

Fresh from God

2006-07-12T23:28:00.000-05:00

Love

2006-07-11T21:48:00.001-05:00

We went to see the baby last night. We had hoped that everyone else had had their chances at holding Baby, and we would have our time. But there was a steady string of people waiting for their chance. There were friends and cousins and co-workers. We finally had our chances. We didn't get to hold him long, but we got to hold him. What a LOVED baby. How wonderful it is when people are loved from all around. How can you go wrong in existing in an environment of love? But there will come a time when Baby Great-Nephew will not be loved and accepted as he needs to be. His parents are only human. We all are only humans. But God is...God. God will always be there. God will always love Baby. Oh if we could always bask in the knowledge that God loves us, as only a Father can do.

New Life

2006-07-11T21:31:00.000-05:00

Life is full of firsts. I have a great nephew! He was born yesterday. What a beautiful baby! What an awesome miracle the birth of a baby. Having babies has changed so much in the past 30 years. Makes me sad in some ways. I was all alone having my babies. Yes, the father was around somewhere, but I went through the experience alone. Both times the doctor wasn't even there. I had nurses dealing with me, and I don't even remember any nice nurses! And yet, I will never ever forget either experience, and they are uniquely my own. Admittedly, I know me. When I am hurting, I don't want anybody around anyway. But there were no family members waiting out in the waiting rooms, and no friends standing by.

That was then, and this is now. The mother, father, and maternal grandmother were in the labor and delivery room. One grandfather on the phone the whole time out in the hall. The waiting room was filled with the other grandfather, a grandmother, a step-grandmother, aunts, and friends. The grandmother gradually worked her way down to the delivery room. When the rest of us were summoned, we came flying out of the waiting room and down the hall to stand outside the room. The baby had already tried out his lungs by the time we got there. The nurse opened the door, and let us come in partially to a curtain shielding the mother, and watch as the baby got cleaned up and weighed. We all stood stretching and peering to see if all fingers and toes were there. Only some blood still left on baby's head gave sign that THIS was a newborn! And we were there in the midst of the birth of new life. A photographer hired by a grandmother fortunately was a tall man able to capture the scene from a distance. The paternal grandmother just stood at the door and cried, as she saw that the baby looked as her son did some 26 years before. How could anyone in such a moment not believe in the creation of God?

Past Ruminations

2006-07-01T22:20:00.000-05:00

Feeling Sad
Danielle/Matthew/Hurt/Pain/Worry
Shattered Lives
shattered lives
and broken pieces
pain that lasts
it never ceases
wonder if life
will ever be the same

May 6, 2005
------------------------------------------

(Luke stayed with us last night)
FOR LUKE

I came home tonight
To bears upon the chair
Just where you had placed them
Oh so neatly there.

And then I saw the car mat
On the living room floor
Lined up, trucks and flags and cars,
There must be nine or more.

The house is dark, quiet and still
No cries of “Gran! Where ahr you?”
No blonde, tow-headed smiling boy
Insisting on no shoes.

Luke, you are almost 3,
I think hard trying to freeze,
These moments of this stage of life,
Time I cannot seize.

You remind me of your daddy,
And that is why I smile,
You will only be this old
For just a little while.

I watched you sleep this morning,
I brushed my hand over your hair,
You did not wake, you did not stir
You seemed to have no cares.

Part of me wanted to wake you,
Part of me left you to be,
Unencumbered by this life,
Trouble I wish you wouldn’t see.

And so tonight I close my eyes,
And I can see you there,
I see you smile and run to me,
Yes times like these are rare.

August 16, 2004
-----------------------------------------------

Feeling Silly
Sonny Bunny-Matthew to Landry
THE ON-GOING SAGA OF SONNY BUNNY

We have had a rabbit named Sonny Bunny,
Remember? He always knew where you were,
He knew what time you would be home,
And would wait on the grass by your car.

Today we have his junior,
A little tyke is he,
He’s little and scrawny and jumps around
With a tail as white as can be.

Sometimes he plays in the backyard
Or eats a lot of grass
But at sunset waits in the front yard
“What time will Bob be home?” He asks.

Landry left him some Cheerios,
He ate them last night on the step,
He came back sometime in the night,
Now not a Cheerio is left!

June 21, 2004
------------------------------------------------------

I SAID GOODBYE

I said goodbye to my friend today
She is moving far away.
She has helped me in rough times
And become best friend of mine.

I said goodbye to my friend today
She is moving far away.
I know the move is best for her,
So why does pain within me stir?

I said goodbye to my friend today
She is moving far away.
A new place to go, a relationship ending,
Life has changed, yet one more beginning.

I said goodbye to my friend today
She is moving far away.
Another day passed, another day gone
Another chance for which I long.

I said goodbye to my friend today
She is moving far away.
Another person who was near
Another friend who became dear.

I said goodbye to my friend today
She is moving far away.
Is it what life is about?
One being whispers, another shouts?

I said goodbye to my friend today
She is moving far away.
We promised to see each other again,
The question was yes, not if, but when.

I said goodbye to my friend today
She is moving far away.
Someone who knew me out and in,
Someone almost as close as my next-of-kin.

I said goodbye to my friend today
She is moving far away.
Is this what it means to get old
To have the warmth and then feel the cold?

I said goodbye to my friend today
She is moving far away.
We tried not, but cried the tears,
I face the future now with fears.

I said goodbye to my friend today
She is moving far away.

June 13, 2004 LC
----------------------------------------

Feeling Quiet
Meditations in Hawaii
THE BANYAN TREE BESIDE THE ROAD

That day I saw the banyan tree
Just standing all alone,
He was a young and struggling tree,
He is not fully grown.

The mountains rose behind him,
Green grass was all around,
The lava had not touched him,
He grows without a sound.

The older trees that we had seen
Upon the hotel grounds,
Had trunks so gnarled and thick and round
Interwoven within bounds.

I wondered if that banyan tree
Knows what his purpose is-
What reason he is what he is
Other than he knows-he is His.

That day I saw the banyan tree
Upon the big Big Island
I thought, “He is so much like me,
Wondering what he is to be.”

He’s young, untouched,
And out there so alone.
I asked, “What will life bring to him,
Before he is all grown?”

When he sees cars go by his way
As he stands there day after day,
Will they notice, and will they care
That he too has a purpose there?

How blessed is he and cattle there
That God chose the island Hawaii
To stand and grow in that particular air
God had His purpose you see.

That day I saw the banyan tree
It was beside the road,
And as we drove toward Waimea
I felt the air grow cold.

With the sea behind and the mountains ahead,
Above sea level we rose.
We drove higher to find some food
In a small Hawaiian town close.

I do not know the reason why
I noticed that banyan tree there
Except that he looked so good and strong.
Aha! He had had the Maker’s care.

No matter where we are
Or what we are to see,
We can always know, it’s true,
The God Creator, He loves me.

I saw the banyan tree that day
I wondered what he was,
And why he was there, and when and where,
The Father said…“Because”.

“My daughter, Dear, I’ve tried to say,
I have a purpose for all I made,
One day my hope is that all may see
Not only humans, but yes, the trees.”

“I made them all, yes, God, that’s Me.
I made them for Myself you see.
I planned, I made, I brought them here
I gave them heart and mind and tear.”

“All creatures are made, yes made by Me
Not only humans, but yes, the trees.
I have a purpose for each of them,
A purpose only each can see.”

I saw the banyan tree that day
I never will forget
I know he stands beside that road
And watches God’s sunset.

June 13, 2004 - LC
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Wednesday, May 5, 2004 12:35:00 AM EDT
Feeling Happy
Luke
Luke said "Gan" for the first time... in front of me...Thursday, April 29, 2004.

Say Something!

2006-06-28T23:06:00.000-05:00

Okay... There are only 3 people so far who know about this blog. My daughter, my brother and ME! And not only has it been bugging me that I can't seem to find the time or the energy or the mind to blog, but now my daughter has noticed! I haven't blogged all month! We went on vacation, and I had very limited access to computer use, and I used that time to check emails. So I was anxious to get home and blog away, only to find myself... speechless... or writeless... (that's a Lyndaism) I had thoughts, but I didn't capture them in time, and now they have blown away. Let's try a couple here... We went to see our great-niece weekend before last. What a sweetheart! She is so LOVED. It is so obvious. I remembered how when I taught 2 yr olds in BBC Summer Play Days in 2004, it was so neat to see how most of the kids were so LOVED. They just reeked of it. I have Paris' picture on my desk peeking out around my ThinkPad. It makes me smile when I look at it. At that age - 7 months - there is just such an innocence. You expect nothing of them and they just give joy. And then we move on to Father's Day. Course I knew the whole time between Mother's Day and Father's Day, that we would have no fathers or grandfathers with whom to celebrate. It was sad, but a fact. Then Father's Day comes and we are sitting in church and Mike starts talking about fathers, and it hits me in the gut hard and I'm crying and Bob is sniffing. 23 years without Daddy, and I'm still not over it. Several times recently I have thought of or been reminded of Granddaddy. Usually makes me smile. And while I don't verbalize it even mentally anymore, ya have to wonder why others live long lives, and others don't. Which reminds me... Mam-ma would have been 94 tomorrow! Okay... I feel better... I have written something.

Michele's New Home

2006-05-25T16:10:00.000-05:00

From Dale Smith of Motivational Mondays...

2006-05-25T15:33:00.000-05:00

"Portrait of a Friend"I can't give solutions to all of life's problems, doubts, or fears. But I can listen to you, and together we will search for answers.I can't change your past with all it's heartache and pain,nor the future with its untold stories.But I can be there now when you need me to care.I can't keep your feet from stumbling.I can only offer my hand that you may grasp it and not fall.Your joys, triumphs, successes, and happiness are not mine;Yet I can share in your laughter.Your decisions in life are not mine to make, nor to judge;I can only support you, encourage you,and help you when you ask.I can't prevent you from falling away from friendship,from your values, from me.I can only pray for you, talk to you and wait for you.I can't give you boundaries which I have determined for you,But I can give you the room to change, room to grow,room to be yourself.I can't keep your heart from breaking and hurting,But I can cry with you and help you pick up the piecesand put them back in place.I can't tell you who you are.I can only love you and be your friend.--Unknown

Family Calendar

2006-05-25T00:55:00.000-05:00

My Space

2006-05-25T00:42:00.000-05:00

Saturday we worked like dogs in the yard. Weather was beautiful... it got hot... but we got alot done. Including, fixing me a "special place", a "private space", my "secret garden" on the side of the house, hidden by the shrubbery! We bought a black wrought-iron glider, and I'm using one of Mom's black wrought-iron tables...I put a flower arrangement on it... For nighttime use, it gets some light from our house and the house next door... Looks into the eastern sky, so I can see the sun and the moon rise from there!

I haven't even had the time or the energy to "try it out" yet! Now that I have it, I want to establish quiet times there. Perfect place for this time of year (which I love!).

My Mother's Day this year!

2006-05-15T17:01:00.000-05:00

After lunch at O'Charleys and chocolate chip cheesecake!,
we are on our way in to see Mission Impossible 3!

Bittersweet time... Michele moving to Denver in 8 days...